Reply to Any parents on here raise a teen mom?

Forum Index » Elementary School-Aged Kids

Reply to "Any parents on here raise a teen mom?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous]OP, I volunteer at a transitional living program for young moms with kids in DC. My role as a volunteer is to hang out with the kids who live in the building once or twice a week for 2 hours in the evening while the moms either meet with their caseworkers or have free time.

I believe that it's important for all teenagers and all moms to have some free time that doesn't involve their parents (or foster parents, in your case) or their children. I think it's important to the development of self as well as a sense of independence, which has to happen, even if it's scary right now.

I know the groups of friends you're talking about and agree that that kind of socialization is inappropriate for this young woman. (I also think that it's not a great kind of socialization in general and those groups clog up the sidewalks and I find it annoying, but that's another issue.)

Re: the dance. It's a great example of something that she will have to deal with for a long time: she wants to go to an activity that is not child-friendly but cannot attend unless she figures out childcare. Everyone who has a child will have to figure this out at some point. It's not specific to teen moms. So your starting point is - who cares for the baby? what preparations will she make (food-wise for the kid)? what instructions will she give about the baby's care? how long exactly will she be gone? what sort of compensation can she offer the person providing the care? Those are things that she, as a parent, needs to figure out. You can help her do it, but she has to be the leader.

Re: socialization and how to address her current social structure. I do not think it's reasonable to expect her to completely change her social support network overnight. Even you believe that these friends are inappropriate or toxic or engaged in deviant activities, they are still her friends and she cares about them. It would be a huge mistake to be completely dismissive of that and being dismissive is a really great way to destroy trust, rather than build it.

If I was in your position, I would want to meet her best friends. If it would be weird to have them come to the house, maybe you can figure out an alternative venue where you could meet them and they could meet you. I'm not suggesting that you should take your 15-year-old foster kid to hang out in front of the 7-11 with her 25-year-old friends, but I do think it's important to be respectful of her previous friendships, while also attempting to guide her into a new lifestyle. I think that the suggestion of the PP to help her find a parenting class for others in her situation would be helpful, though given how many moms under 25 I know who have multiple young children, I would worry that most moms in her situation will continue down the path they started.

Good luck. You sound like a good person and I'm glad you're doing this.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics