Reply to I'm jealous and angry my ex-husband's new wife is a better mother and wife than I am

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Reply to "I'm jealous and angry my ex-husband's new wife is a better mother and wife than I am"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP - I could be the stepmom you are describing.  We got custody of my stepkids when they were 4 and 7.  They are grown now.    I don't know if I am a "better wife".  I do keep our home much, much cleaner than she did.  I've been been in her home.  She isn't into decorating and she isn't much of a housekeeper.  But she is a great cook!  And she could open up a bakery with her cookies!

By definition, I am probably a better mother.  She wasn't abusive, but she was neglectful in many ways.  The kids were not eating very well.  Her life was in chaos all the time.  She just couldn't get her shit together, for lack of a better explanation.  She didn't take them to the dentist.  She neglected basic medical needs.  She loved them, but she just did not the life skills to take very good care of them.

They lived with us full time from the ages of 4 and 7 only seeing her for a few days twice a year.  She forgot Birthdays.  She didn't send Christmas gifts.  She missed graduations.  She rarely even called them.  Months would pass without any contact at all.  However, she is still their mother.  They love her and she loves them.  Nothing will ever change that.  If your kids' stepmom is as awesome as you say she is, then she will never do anything to undermine the importance of that mother/child relationship.  [b]She may be mothering you kids right now, but you will always, always, always be mom.[/b][/quote]

I'm another stepmom and I also have a full-time stepchild who I love very much and have been the full time "mother" without being mom. My stepchild's mother has a severe chronic drug and alcohol addiction. She has been neglectful and borderline abusive. My stepchild is at the age where those flaws are recognized - BUT she is still mom and nothing I do could ever replace that (as it should be).  You are mom and nothing can take that away. Its great that your kids are being mothered by someone who makes them feel good about themselves. The alternative would be horrible. Your kids feel secure enough in your love for them and in you that they can show you all the good aspects of their lives without worrying how it will make you feel. Your kids are telling you that they feel you are strong by letting you see how much they feel loved in both homes.

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