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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I've written about this before, but I guess I just needed a place to vent my feelings, and maybe hear some advice if anyone might have some.

There's a lack of a bond between my toddler daughter and my mom, and recently it has gotten worse.  My daughter has started acting quite mean to my mom, and my mom suffers from depression, so this has not been good her for my mom at all and my mom is hurt.  My daughter sometimes throws toys at her, hits her, ignores her, pushes her away, and whenever my mom comes near her, she gets upset and leaves.  The weird part is that my daughter doesn't do this to anyone else but my mom.  She's been really great and sweet with all of her babysitters (and we've had quite a few), and she recently started nursery school, and she loves her teachers, and everyone says how pleasant and happy she is.

My mom would love if her granddaughter were affectionate toward her, but it's quite the opposite.  I thought it might get better, as they spend more time together, but it has only gotten worse the more time they spend together.  I've asked my daughter why she is mean toward my mom, and she gives varying answers.... she says she gets scared that mom and dad aren't there.  I asked her if she felt that way with her other grandmom, and she said no.

The way my mom describes it, when I leave the 2 of them alone, she's initially ok, just playing by herself, but as time goes on, she starts having anger issues every time my mom comes near her.  She'll start throwing all her toys around, and go to the next room to get away from my mom.  So then my mom tries to avoid her, but only comes to her to prevent her from doing something she shouldn't do or doing something dangerous.

It's come to the point where my mom has told me that she doesn't want to spend time with her anymore, because it makes her feel bad, and because she feels it's too stressful for my daughter to be around someone she hates so much.  She says she prefers that I just get the babysitter to come watch her instead.  My mom says she can't help but to start disliking my daughter, because she is so mean to her. I know I can't force a relationship between the two, but nevertheless, this makes me sad.

I don't know exactly why my daughter acts this way towards my mom.  The language barrier has something to do with it, but it doesn't explain all of it.  My mom is also pretty hands off with kids in general and doesn't really like to play, or read books, or do any kid stuff, which is really boring to her.  She's also depressed and anxious, and can be controlling, and has been exhibiting initial signs of dementia.  She also tends to handle conflict a bit immaturely - for instance, if my daughter throws a toy at her or hits her, my mom will just throw it right back at her or hit her back.  Maybe it's a combination of these things.  When I suggest to my mom to try having fun with her, or to stop being so afraid of interacting with my daughter, she gets upset at the suggestion that it's something that she's doing or not doing that's causing my daughter to act that way towards her.  My mom says, the more time they spend together, the more my daughter dislikes her, so she thinks that the best solution is to stop spending any more time with her altogether.

I'm not sure what to do at this point.  I'm sad for my mom, and I'm sad that she no longer wants to have a relationship with my daughter, and I'm sad that my daughter acts this way towards my mom.  At one point, I yelled at my daughter after she threw a toy at my mom and hit her.  And I explained that she needs to be nice to my mom just like she's nice to her other grandmom, that they are both her grandmoms.  And told her to go apologize.  It seemed to work for the short term, but in the long term, it only seemed to make it worse.

Maybe I should just accept that my mom doesn't really want a relationship with my daughter anymore?  I think that is the place where I need to be.  It is tough though. 
[/quote]

Did I have a blackout and write this?  Are you me?[/quote]

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