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[quote=Anonymous]OP -

I see both sides of this. If I put myself in your husband's shoes, I'd feel pressured, and lesser-than. And that doesn't necessarily mean you are the one applying the pressure, but it's how I'd feel. That you picked me for who you "thought I could be" instead of who I actually was. Like someone who marries thinking that their spouse may be working a crap job now, but is in law school, and is upset when they flunk the bar.

I want to reiterate that none of this is blaming you - relationships are built around expectations for the future.

When I put myself in your shoes, in my example, it would be reasonable to assume that the person you marry in law school will in fact wind up practicing law. Likewise, if you marry someone who tells you they want children, and they later announce that they don't, well, that's a bait and switch.

First of all, you need to admit that You DO want him to change - his behaviour. He has behaved that way in the past, and you'd like him to behave that way again. There is nothing inherently wrong with that - wanting him to exhibit a behaviour you know he's capable of.

There's also nothing inherently wrong with him wishing you were happy with him as he was when you met him. After all, that was the guy you started dating, fell for, etc.

At any point during that process, did you state or imply that if he didn't up his 'kink' that you would have second thoughts about the relationship? If you did it also may be the reason he stepped it up - fear of losing you. Of course, if you did say so, and it was a condition of you committing to him, you do now have the right to say "hey - this isn't the deal we agreed to."

Lastly I think you're not putting enough emphasis in your thought process on the fact you just had a child. From your timeline, it sounds like right around the time he got comfortable in his new position (when you thought the 'kink' would come back) - you got pregnant. This is a huge huge change mentally for a lot of people. Your husband might be one of them.

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