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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think it's really important to accept the reality that sex, like many other things in life, becomes very different when you're a parent. I mean, I used to love going to yoga 3x/week, but that aint happening any more either! And even if I do make it to a class, it's now a much different experience from the leisurely, carefree 1.5 hrs pre-baby.  Sex is the same - putting aside all questions of "low drive vs high drive" (which I also think can become a corrosive discourse) - after you have a baby, you just don't have the ability to loll around all day every sunday and get 2 of your 5 weekly fucks in, no matter how high your sex drive.

Like everything else you might mourn from your pre-baby life, carefree sex is one of them.

I think it's important to accept this because the diminishment of sex often becomes a blaming thing (usually blaming the woman) for "losing her sex drive" after having kids. But that's kind of as ridiculous as saying that I've "lost my yoga drive" post-kids.  No. It's just different now, and external factors are keeping me from going to yoga 3x/week.

So I think the key is to prioritize sex, and make the sex you do have high-quality, but to accept the new role sex has in your life as parents. If you get fixated on comparing yourselves to others, you're never going to be happy. 
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You're right about not having the leisure time, but I think the yoga comparison is a little worrisome. [b]And the comparison ties into the notion that sex is something you do if you have a bunch of spare time.[/b] The danger is thinking of sex as a nice little extra like yoga instead of an intrinsic requirement like shelter. Sex, like home maintenance, is easy to put off in favor of more obvious and immediate concerns; but there is going to be hell to pay if you don't keep up with it. [/quote]

I never ever understand this excuse and frankly don't have to since my DH are at it 4xs a week (yes, small kids, yes married for over a decade we both work).  How long are people having sex for?  If we go over, say 10 minuets of penetration, I run the risk of being sore....sure there is foreplay and sometimes that can get cut short, but having sex does not take that much time. I spend more time blow drying my hair on a daily basis and manage to squeeze that in. Sometimes it's in the shower, in the closet, sometimes we plop the kids in front of the TV and lock the door, sometimes it's a quick BJ, sometimes it is right after we put the kids to bed, sometimes it is before we get out of bed on a Wednesday morning.

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