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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Frequently, bad parents turn out to be phenomenal grandparents.  Let him know and see what happens.[/quote]

But wouldn't you think that would make you feel even worse - to know that your father deliberately missed everything with you and then miraculously became wonderful when you were grown?  I'd be heartbroken.[/quote]

I don't think it's deliberate at all, I think many times it's seeing what you did wrong after quite a few years of life and experiences, at least that's how it was for my DH and FIL. [/quote]

And my DH's experience has been completely different (NP here).  DH's father essentially deserted his kids when MIL divorced him (DH was 6, his brother a baby).  Wouldn't pay child support, refused to see the kids, etc.  He remarried and started another family, and when his second wife divorced him he deserted those kids too (same fights to get child support, now hasn't seen the girls in a few years).  We know he has a fifth child somewhere, but he's never had any contact with that one.  Bottom line, he's a shitty person who hasn't gotten any wiser or more interested in his kids with age.  DH hasn't spoken with or seen him in at least 15 years, and while I'm sure he's heard he now has a grandson, we have zero intention of every making any attempt to involve him in our son's life.  No interest in his 5 kids, who have all been through a lot of heartbreak as a result.  We won't put our son in that position.  When/if DS ever asks about him (and I doubt he will for a very long time, as DH's step-father is "grandpa" is every respect), we'll simply tell DS that he's not a good person and therefore is not a part of our lives.  And that will be the truth.[/quote]

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