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[quote=Anonymous]Tough call, op. I had a dad I kept wanting ot be someone else, and it never happened. My last straw is when I had an actual conversation with him about it (after 2 years of therapy) and the cluelessness persisted. I knew then he'd never be the person I wanted him to be, and I gave up, and emotionally I proceeded as though he were dead (he actually died a few years later).  But his personality was the type where a grandkid wouldn't have changed anything. My mother's father, not a prize, was somewhat changed by aging and mellowing out, such that at their 50th wedding anniversary everyone commented (obliquely) on how much he'd changed and become more loving and less abusive over the years.

If you do send him a birth announcement, I would do it with a note. Don't make the announcement a test of his mindreading ability, but an actual choice for him to make.  Say what you have wanted to say about being disappointed in your relationship and maybe he's changed and this is his chance to show it by having a relationship with his grandkid, and make clear you're open to such a development. Say you will assume that if he doesn't respond by [time period] you will assume he's made his choice to be out of your and your family's life permanently and you won't bother him anymore.  This puts an end date on it for you so you don't continue to wonder if you should invite him to birthdays, etc.  [/quote]

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