Reply to Single father boyfriend does not want child with me

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, here is a guy perspective.

I was single until 33 when I met my now-wife.  She had been only divorced 1 year from a 14-year marriage (high school sweetheart).  She had always assumed she was not going to have kids due to a medical condition and she had never considered kids.  For me, kids was an absolute must.  Not having kids was a deal-breaker.  So before I proposed, we had several heart-to-heart talks, she knew my stance.  I proposed and she knew that the caveat would be that we would have children (whether biological or adopted).  She decided she wanted a life with me and with kids.  We got married and ultimately had twins via donor egg IVF.  We are very happy with our twins, but we both know that for us, as older parents, we are "two and through"  The infant years were hard and while they are the joy of our lives and absolutely everything we could hope and dream for...we don't want anymore kids.  If for some reason, I lost my wife and was looking for another partner, I would be in your boyfriend's position and would not want another child.  It has nothing to do with you as a person or partner, or denying you a deep heartfelt desire.  It comes from the fact that I know that I really don't have it in me to go through those infant and early toddler years again.  Even a singleton is a lot of work.  I would not be nearly as good a partner and father the next time around and I would not want to short change a child or partner by being a less involved father.

Unfortunately, despite your closeness in age, you two are at very different stages of your lives.  He's a parent of a school-age child who is ready to put the parenting of young children behind him.  You are still at the point where you desire a young child to go through those experiences that he's already past.  You admit that you want to experience what he's had and that you feel that he is denying you the possibility of having that.  But that's not true.  He's being honest with you and giving you the information that you need.  He is telling you that if you want a child, then he is not the partner for you.  If your desire for a child is one that you can set aside and live without too much regret, then you can consider a future with him.  If not, you need to find a future elsewhere.  And since you have frozen eggs, it is not too late to part amicably and look for another partner who shares or at least supports your desires.  You can find a partner who is a few years younger than you (I'm a few years younger than my wife) and with your frozen eggs, you can still have your dream, but you really need to come to terms with your desire and find out if your relationship with your boyfriend is more important to you than your desire for children.

Only you can make this decision from the information that he's given you.  Good luck.[/quote]

Very well said, PP. I hope OP is still reading.[/quote]
+1[/quote]

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