Reply to Are men aware when they have sexist views about women and just don't care?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Frequently it's just that the lived experiences of people are different, and often (including men) aren't able to get out of their own state of mind (frequently called privilege).

When we were dating, my husband didn't understand why I wanted to cross the street when I saw a large group of men in an alley when we were walking at night in Rome. My lived experience told me this was not safe, and for him it didn't occur to him to think about it this way. I suspect that most women would have understood this from my point of view immediately.

I wouldn't say that all men are obtuse when it comes to sexism (and you can add in racism, homophobia, etc), but it stems from both privilege or a lack of lived experience.
[/quote]

Except that men are more likely to experience an act of violence and to be assaulted than a woman so I don't think it is lack of lived experience. It is more how people are socialized. Often boys are socialized that they should be tough, fight back, not back down, only cowards walk away from a fight etc... and women are socialized that you are a victim or that you are about to be a victim, that victimizers are all around you and that backing down and walking away is the best thing to do. [/quote]

This is part of what occurred to me during the discussion. I've experienced quite a bit more violence from men than my wife has, but she is far more likely than me to walk to the other side of the street. She expressed to me that I didn't know what it was like to be afraid of men on account of being a woman. And that's true. But, I left unsaid that she doesn't know what it's like to get her nose broken by a man who is punching you in the face. [/quote]

Sure. I think that the difference is that the man punching you isn't punching you because you're a man. Maybe he's punching you because he doesn't like your face, or because he's drunk and pissed off, or because he's a sociopath in general. Women walking alone at night are targeted because they're women. My husband has never been harassed while walking down our street (we live in Columbia Heights) at 11pm on a Friday. I have been, repeatedly. My husband does not get "Hey baby"-ed or propositioned by strangers. I know four women who have had men expose their genitals to them on the metro. I know zero men who have had that experience.

And the place where your analogy kind of falls apart is that just because your wife has not experienced having her nose broken by a man punching her in the face does not mean that that experience is unique to men. I know women who have had that experience, often accompanied with other forms of violence that men are much less likely to experience. My father was jumped by a gang of skinheads in the 80s. He's a slight man, who had long hippie hair. He told me that while they were beating him, he kept asking them "Why are you doing this?" and one of them said "You looked like a bitch." [/quote]

Not the PP but I disagree with your position that men always attack women solely because they attack women and they always attack men for some other external reason. Not true. There are many motivations why people (men and women) are violent. Assuming you know everyone's motivation and then forming a generalized perception of men and women based on this is very flawed. Men are also victims of domestic violence and are also targeted sometimes just because of their gender, so you could equally say that men fully understand the experience of women and it isn't unique to them.

I am a woman and I have never been harassed or propositioned or had anyone expose themselves to me. So no experience is shared by everyone just because of gender. [/quote]

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