Reply to Are men aware when they have sexist views about women and just don't care?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My DH is generally socially progressive and feminist in plenty of ways. He's almost reactionary when it comes to birth control and women's (non-abortion) reproductive rights. We had extensive arguments about the recent Hobby Lobby decision. I realize these issues are complex, but he is not religious and definitely had premarital sex. I consider his views to be sexist. Abortion is obviously an ethically more complex issue so I am leaving that to the side when explaining his views.[/quote]

That sounds so bizarre. Personal question, but do the two of you use contraception? If so, how would he react if you suggested stopping, and as a result either having a much larger family, or drastically restricting your sex life?[/quote]

It's completely bizarre. We definitely use contraception and did for the multiple years before we got married too. Both of us had prior partners and are aware of each other's history. We're your basic mid-30s socially progressive, yuppie east coasters. And, I currently outearn him and am definitely not a shrinking violet when it comes to expressing myself, including strongly held feminist viewpoints. He obviously likes these things about me, both because he has said so and because he married me.

We're generally very happy and we argue with each other frequently (both lawyers), so arguing over contraception policy is more or less right in our wheelhouse. But it is odd to me that he's got these views in particular and this forum seemed like a good opportunity to chime in and express my puzzlement. Heck, I've told HIM that it's puzzling. I've also made the arguments about what how we would manage our family size if I wasn't on the pill, i.e., no sex. I think he's too stubborn to admit I've got him there. [/quote]

PP, I'm confused. What are his beliefs about contraception and non-abortion women's reproductive rights? Is his stance that women should have to pay for these things themselves? That they should not be covered by insurance?[/quote]

That was definitely his position with regard to our Hobby Lobby argument. Why should the government force insurance companies to cover it just so that women can have sex, was basically his view, only in many, many more words. I see that as a perceptible shift from, why should the government force insurance companies to cover anything, which is a fine policy view to have if you have a different conception of gov't. For the record, he is 100% on board with the individual mandate.

Also: If you (a woman) want to have sex, you (a woman) should be responsible for the consequences. And: I don't care that clinics that provide gynecologic care to women are being forced to close due to restrictive abortion laws, they aren't entitled to free care. Etc. I consider all of these things to be feminist issues. I get how reasonable people can disagree, but like I said, he's otherwise socially liberal, votes Democratic, is down with equal treatment for women, and is not religious. Except for the latent Catholic guilt. Maybe that explains it all... [/quote]

Does he feel the same way about insurance covering Viagra and its ilk? [/quote]

Of course not. Don't think I haven't tried. But, I don't think the gov't requires that Viagra be covered, at least not to my knowledge, so it is a different argument on the merits. I just don't think his real issue is the government's requiring it.[/quote]

Although I fully believe birth control should be covered by insurance to reduce costs of unwanted pregnancies, the Viagra coverage argument is really stupid. Viagra is used to fix a body part that is not functioning properly.[/quote]

Not usually.  Usually it's used to combat the completely normal reduction in function associated with aging.  It would be like insurance covering hormone replacement therapy indefinitely.[/quote]

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