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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, I'm really trying to think about this from the perspective you asked for in your original question - what would I want to hear if this were my husband?

I'd want the truth, first and foremost.  I'd want him to be willing to answer my questions honestly about affairs (emotional or otherwise), how he feels about me, how he feels about our family.  If he were to lie about the emotional affair, I wouldn't be able to trust anything else he had to say.  If he's going to come clean about his sexual orientation and rip apart my entire life in the process, I want to know the full truth of things.

Second, therapy, immediately.  Together, him on his own, and me on my own.

Third, if he truly loved me and our children, I'd think he would thus be willing to allow me the space and time to decide how I want to live the rest of my life, with him as my husband or not.  I don't want him to come at me with a plan for how we can manage this together.  I'd want to work out for myself what *I* want, which might take many months to sort out.  I'd want his patience with that, not pressure of "when can I start sleeping with so-and-so on the side?"

In my mind, this isn't a whole lot different than DH telling me he's fallen in love with another woman.  If he were serious about wanting to keep our marriage and family intact, I'd expect him to end the relationship immediately and put me in the driver's seat when in comes to figuring out how to move forward.  Personally, I think that if DH told me he was gay but didn't want to break up our family, I might in time be ok with the idea of him have sexual relationships with other men, provided I had the freedom to do the same.  He and I would never be having sex again, though; I would have zero interest in sex with someone who wasn't attracted to me.  I could believe, though, that his love for me and our family was true and honest even if not romantically-based.  I'd want the commitment from him though that he was going to stick it out with our family for good - not leave 5 or 10 years down the line when he fell in love with someone else.  Committing to stay means committing to stay, not leaving your options open.[/quote]

This is great. Thank you. I'm forwarding him your message.

I could see them living together for some amount of time to figure out the logistics but I don't know how either person would handle not falling in love with someone else and wanting to build a life with them. Though I'm sure it happens.[/quote]

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