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[quote=Anonymous]DS has a friend, early teen, who has been diagnosed ADHD.  Friend was adopted so family history not known.  Parents are older and he's an only child, but they seem fairly consistent with their approach, discipline, keeping kid active.

Don't know if it's only ADHD, but a lot of what OP has written is ringing a bell.  Friend has stolen, mostly small things, and/or will take his parents things and show them off (so like steal money and show DS but then return it to his parents; take his Dad's bluetooth thing and pretended to have a phone).  Will sneak laptop to school (he's in middle school and does need it at home for school work but isn't allowed to take it to school.  Will "forget" where he's supposed to go/be and have his parents looking for him for 1-2-3 hours.

He once persuaded DS (who has his own problems, but being sneaky isn't one of them) to go off to a store to get junk food.  We were hysterical looking for them.  A few weeks later he tried to do it again but DS just stood outside house while friend went.  Friend is super smart but doesn't do well in school due to absolutely refusing to do homework.

Wildly impulsive, brags, seemingly does or doesn't do things that just don't make sense.  He's also incredibly sweet and caring, verbal to the point of being able to charm anyone, everyone likes him and wants to help.

Parents are doing everything, including therapies and meds, but there are only small improvements.  Clearly not right therapy, not right incentives/disincentives, meds.

Not sure if this helps in the least, but just wanted to throw out there this set of similarities.  Kid doesn't have a mean bone in his body and yet he steals and lies.

OP, I'm sure you're not a perfect parent, neither am I, but we all start out parenting in a way that we think is normal.  We don't know we have extra challenging kiddos until we realize we have to ramp up the parenting.  It sounds like you're doing a whole bunch and just need help figuring out the next steps.

I agree with Stixrud and also with Shapiro's classes.[/quote]

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