Reply to Today is the day that I hate my husband

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You sound very mercurial, disloyal, and self-absorbed.

I think if I were married to you, I'd develop a tough exterior to deal with you, too. I bet you don't even realize how much you hurt him on a regular basis, but the fact that you would jump to divorce because you feel entitled to some fictional perfect spouse and the fact that you mention how you don't need him? I am sure he knows that's how you feel and I am sure it hurts him deeply and makes him not want to be vulnerable to you.[/quote]

When I say I don't "need" him, I mean that I feel like a confident, self-sufficient human being on my own.[b] I do not need a husband. Very honestly, I prefer a husband who doesn't "need" me either.  If you need another person to make you whole, I don't think that's particularly healthy.  [/b] But sure, maybe I am to blame for the way I am treated, to some extent.  That's probably accurate. [/quote]

PP here.

You literally just said (20:15): [b]"I am not particularly high maintenance. but, I need to be needed. that's me."[/b]

See what I mean? That sort of mercurial attitude shift in just a few minutes ("I need to be needed!" "No, if you need another person, it's not healthy!") drives MANY down-to-earth, loyal, hardworking, and GOOD people bonkers. Some people can handle that. Some people (like your husband) get very flustered and hurt because they feel like they have NO idea which way is up with you. It tends to lead to distance and emotional walling-off.

I really think, if you are truly considering divorce, you need to take a long, hard look at how your actions/attitude is affecting this marriage. You may want to consider counseling (for just you, or both you and him).

I think he sounds like a good person (you do, too -- you're thoughtful and responsible sounding, you just don't have the same personality as him). You are both probably perceiving slights when in fact what you need is to step back and think of better ways to make sure the other person is getting what they need so they can feel vulnerable.

P.S. The reason I responded is that my DH and I are your DH and you, respectively. After 12 years of marriage, we hit a wall and counseling, as well as taking responsibility for what we were bringing to the relationship, really helped. Of course, DH did not do counseling right away (I started first) because most emotionally "tough" people have trouble realizing they need help -- but eventually it was making such a difference with just me doing it, it cracked his shell and he dived in.

Good luck, really. [/quote]

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