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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]"My side of the family is in a better financial position than their mom's family and they notice the nicer gifts/clothes that my kids sometimes get or when my parents take just the four of us on vacations. They give stepkids gifts for Christmas when we're all together but beyond that do not invite them to family events/trips. "

This is part of the problem.  You and your family do not regard these children as part of your family.  you have to accept that they became part of YOUR family when you married their father.  As long as you have an  US vs Them attitude, they will sense it and not feel included, loved or accepted.  They had no control over their parents age when they were born. They had no control over your marrying their father.  They had no control move moving across the country.  Embrace them and tell your family to do so too, and then you will see a difference.

My Uncle married a divorced woman with 3 children and then they had one child themselves.  We did NOT exclude her children from gifts, vacations or anything else.  When their mother married our Uncle they became part of our family together.  You are doing harm to them by not including them. [/quote]

[b]I don't think this is realistic as far as travel is concerned.  First, two extra plane tickets and an extra hotel room is quite costly.  Second, most of my extended family has not my stepkids and it is logical for us to travel to see my relatives or travel with my parents when the stepkids are with their mom or on the alternating holidays.  [/b]

As far as gifts are concerned, they will see biokids open birthday presents and I can't help that.  Other times, my parents bought my kids a play kitchen or other large gift that they didn't witness being opened/delivered but noticed when they came the next time.  Since my kids are younger the entire basement is a playroom with their stuff.  Older kids have their video game system and that's it.  Most of their things are portable and go back and forth - tablet, ipod, etc.  They don't resent them and do really like them.

As far as acting like a family - it was tough to do that only 2-3 times a year before and now that they're here, it has been a big adjustment because of the different parenting rules, me being shut out when I try to provide input, and the fact that I work full time and chase two toddlers the rest of the time.  The best I've been able to do is have DH spend time exclusively with them and handle the younger two on my own.  Now that the weather is better and younger kids are not sick every other day from daycare, we can go to the pool or parks, etc.  I think it will take time as you can't force a family and bonding 4 days a month but the dynamic is such that I'm not optimistic that much will change.  DH's level of involvement and input is a huge barrier and why it feels like babysitting.[/quote]

[b]If the whole family can't afford to go, then the whole family stays home.  DO not treat your step children like second class citizens.  Your family doesn't treat them like family, because they are taking YOUR lead and YOU do not treat them like family.  I agree that it is tough to do IF you are only seeing them 2-3 times a year, but things have changed and you have to change with them.  Now you have time to make them part of your family.

You seem to find excuses for everything.  [/quote][/b]

And I'm a stepmom of 2 teens who live with their mom plus have a toddler with my husband, their dad. Yes "extra" plane tickets/hotel rooms are expensive. But really, they're not extra--they are your husband's children. And I say this as someone who is dreading the cost of 5 round trip tickets to Hawaii to visit my parents, because it would absolutely devastate my husband's children to be left behind. So it ain't happening--they will be coming with us even if we have to wait and save up even longer. You knew he had children when you married him: suck it up! Sorry your husband didn't continue being the deadbeat dad you thought he was going to be. Thank goodness his mom is looking out for them.[/quote]

I disagree.  A teen wouldn't be interested in visiting his/her stepmom's relatives.  Why would they?  (Now if OP's relatives live in Hawaii, then I see why a teen would want to go, but more likely then not, OP's family prob. lives in a non-touristy U.S. state.)  And I agree with a PP that said that it is very expensive to buy 2 extra plane tickets and extra rooms.

Also, in a few years they will be grown up, so just stand your ground with your MIL, and don't let her tell you how to live your life.  Your side of the family should be visited also, it makes sense to alternate holidays.  One Christmas visiting your family with your DH and your kids, thene the next year spending Christmas with your DH's family (his kids, your kids, his side of the family).  I don't think it's cool that some PPs are putting OP down.  You should be supportive.[/quote]

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