Reply to I don't want to stay in your one-bedroom condo!

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think, as a woman, that if I had gotten divorced around 1990 (and the why is not apparent here -- was he cheating? Did he have a midlife crisis?  Did he trade me in for a newer model? Or was much of it my own fault?), given the likely scenarios of the time, it might be hard not to feel a little insecure and even bitter over how things had ultimately worked out for me.  Given the timing and ages you mention, my kid(s?) were mostly grown and starting to enter college at the time of the divorce, after I (presumably for the time?) gave up, more than my ex, some of the most important years to child care.  My ex fairly quickly remarried someone everyone seems to think is more fun than me, can afford to have and care for a nice big house while I can only manage a small condo that my kid(s) sort of sneer at, and perhaps the cruelest thing is that my son now prefers my husband to me. It was different when he was small and depended on me for everything, and I sacrificed daily for him, but he doesn't really remember all of that.

So, in short, if she got the short end of the stick from her marriage and the divorce, remember that women sort of unfairly have it harder in those situations and maybe try to be generous with her. (Unless she has a medical condition or a back problem or is in her seventies or higher, though, she should probably be giving you guys her room and bed!)[/quote]

Yes - everyone should try to be generous with everyone else.  It sounds like OP is generous with MIL though.  And, yes, you're also correct that MIL may have some understandable reasons for feeling bitterness.  But, those reasons belong to her and are no one else's.  What sets an upbeat, fun person apart from others is that they don't wear bitterness/insecurities on their sleeve.  We all have disappointments and crosses to bear; the trick in life is to learn to live your best life in spite of them.  Sorry I went Oprah on everyone but people have to deal with their stuff and move on if they expect others to want to be around them.  Whether or not the divorce was MIL/FIL's "fault" the likely scenario is that they weren't right for each other and the marriage ended.  Whether or not MIL was insufferable or FIL cheated or what - the marriage ended and it is ancient history. You cannot create stress on your children for spending time with one side over the other - it isn't fair.  [/quote]

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