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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, your dad only saw you once a month.  And when he did I'm sure it's clear you weren't in the best situation.  He knew where you were living.  He didn't support you.  You wanted your mom to do more to save the marriage but when someone has started ANOTHER FAMILY you can pretty much put a fork in it.  Who would want to save a marriage like that!?  Now clearly your mom let this ruin her life and she's not resilient.  She absolutely should have moved on by now but holy crap there was nothing for her to save!  All I know is if my parents had divorced my dad would have still done whatever he could have to be around me and support me financially.[/quote]

My dad only saw me once a month because he lived in another state and that's what the court allowed. He gave what he could. He earned a lot less than my mom did at that point because he only had a high school diploma then. He actually started college a year before I did. And he emotionally supported me more than my mother ever has.

Lots of women stay in their marriages after the husband has a baby with a mistress. There were men in my mom's own family who had second families. My mom only cared because my dad was happy.

Speaking of happy, I've wasted enough time trying to explain this. The OP --who is NOT me, btw-- asked the question and I answered it truthfully. My dad's affair and my mother's reaction to it had a huge negative impact on my tween and teen years. I've moved on. I'm happy. My kids are happy. My dad is happy. My mom isn't happy but she prefers it that way.
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I am the earlier PP who supported you because I went through the same thing.  Trust me - I get it!  My mom was the same way.  She refused to get on with her life because she wanted my father to forever feel guilty and us to hate him.  People are looking at the situation through today's lense.  25 years ago, a mother (my mom) was able to block a father's access because custody issues were slanted against the father. Look, my father was a cad and he wrongly had an affair.  He should not get a pass and honestly, he never tried to justify what he did.  But in looking at it as an adult, the affair did not cause their problems - it was the result of them.  Even without the affair, their marriage was doomed.

Let me put it this way.  I resented my father for having the affair.  But I also resented my mother for making it her mission that we hate him.  HER relationship with him did not work out for various reasons, including the affair.  But it did not give her the right to manipulate our realtionship with him.  If he was an asshole, we should have been allowed to form that opinion on our own - not because she told us every day. [/quote]

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