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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm curious about why a woman who is 40+ and professionally established would so prefer a never-married over a divorced man that she would bother to discount the divorced guy?[/quote]

OP again. They are open to divorced men. But other than online, they can't seem to meet them in real life.  This seems to be a common situation in my circles so I thought I'd ask.  In their twenties and early thirties they were focused on careers but I think they thought they would meet someone along the way. Yet suddenly they're 37, 41, 43 and no more prospects than five years ago.  I'm sure some of them would move out west if they met the right guy but now they have careers on the east coast so starting anew in Seattle or Denver with only the hopes that the odds are better doesn't seem like the best idea.[/quote]

Well as a 42 y.o. divorced dad I can tell you I don't hang out in bars or clubs when I don't have my kid (I equally co-parent with my exW).  I pursue activities that I like and I've met women in all sorts of places.  I've never done an activity with the intent of trying to meet someone - I'm a pretty social guy and it just happens that i can talk to women.  I've had more women (single women & single moms) approach me when I've had the kid in tow - at restaurants, museums, super market, book stores, shops, etc.

I know some divorced dads and those in my circle - high income, very well educated, kid/family focused, we don't waste time chasing young tail - most of us date women 35+ and I personally prefer to date single moms because they know the lifestyle and challenges of being a single parent.

My advice to your friends - 1) be open.  That means body language and how they simply are in public.  Women think they're approachable but often times they give off the vibe of 'don't bother me'. 2) be confident not desperate. I can't tell you how sexy that is and a guy worth pursuing has suitors - and I will purse attractive and confident women, not wall flowers.  3).don't be afraid to approach a guy (after that, it's the guys job to chase) but there's nothing to lose - I've had women strike up conversations when I'm having dinner by myself (if I'm eating at the bar).  4)  throw the long check list out the window as it does more harm than good. Of course, we all have our deal breakers but really, but they need to be open minded and they just might be pleasantly surprised.[/quote]

Agree with much of what you've said above.  41 year old single mom, in a LTR with a late-40s single dad.  We met online and I've posted in response to a lot of the recent threads about meeting online.  But first and foremost, I gave him a chance.  His personality won me over instantly, even though he did not meet a couple of my [i]almost[/i] "must haves."  Clearly they were negotiable.  I'm Jewish and tried all of the ways I knew to meet Jewish men, including being on and off Jdate.  That's one area where we do not match.  The thing about that is, having been in a horrible marriage, I know where there is room for compromise.  He's a good man and if I'd used any sort of a check list, I would have missed him.  I also agree with a PP who said everyone should be giving more than one date to determine whether they other person is a good match.  I think at least two...but it also takes a fair amount of dating to be good at weeding out the potential guys from the no-way guys.

Your friends need to be willing to branch out, to let go of some things that are not important (height, car he drives, etc.), forgive some of the appearance issues that can be changed (he dresses bad, old glasses, whatever).  Get to know the person and then think -- is this a family guy?  Would this guy work on our relationship to make me happy?  How does he interact with his female family members?  Does he have close relationships with people?  How does he handle stress?  I could go on.  The right guy may not be the guy that catches their eye.  I'd suggest that they think about your DH.  You said they wouldn't give him the time of day way back when, but now they are jealous.  What are the qualities they're talking about?

Where to meet them?  Hmmm, yeah, aside from online, I don't know!  :)  Try not to buy into the "DC sucks for meeting people."  If that's where they are established, going into it with such a negative perspective isn't going to help. It never really worked for me, but suggest that they get out of the house a lot doing things they already enjoy.  Probably not an all-female book club or the spa...but if it's running, join a club.  If it's photography, take a class.  If it's cooking, do one of those groupon activities.  Driving range on a weekend.  May not meet single guys, but if this is a numbers game, it helps their chances.  Going with one friend -- married is even better b/c they are good wing-people -- is fine.  More than that, you are not going to be as approachable.  If your friends are open to single dads, most I know are in the suburbs because they have kids in school.  There is a difference between being 35 and looking to marry and have kids vs. being 45 and willing to start a relationship with a man the same age or older, divorced with kids.  I think those friends are looking for different guys.[/quote]

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