Reply to Three kids under 4 and I think we are headed for divorce

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[quote=Anonymous]I probably shouldn't be writing since I don't have a model marriage but I am working on it. The first thing is communication. No one is listening..everyone's guard is up.  Everybody is tense, everyone is overwhelmed. Take a step back and instead of focusing on him, focus on you. Say, what do I need to change. You can only change you. Ask, What is my contribution to this mess. believe me in a marriage both are at fault. There are great books out there. One that changed my life was fierce women by Kimberly Wagner. It is from a Christian perspective  but don't let that stop you. Then there is one I am reading on communications called marriage forecasting by muehlhoff...also every working woman and man should read The book called Margin........After all that, have an honest conversation with him which does not blame. Admit where you have let stress get the better of you. Apologize for your wrong and say you want to discuss a way forward to get a handle on your lives. listen without interruption. dont hit back verbally if he hurts you with his words.  Hopefully he will see the change in you over time and this will make him think. Ask him, Can he think about what you could both do to reduce stress, get a better handle on the kids, etc.

I am not advocating for you to tAke all the blame..of course he has equal if not more blame but you will not make him see that..he will have to see that himself and at the moment his guard is up against you...lead, by example, and hopefully his shutters will come down. It takes time but keep at it.  Divorce is not the solution I don't think at this stage...it is a quick response to someone who doesn't seem to love you and you are hurt, stressed and tired...believe me the condition is temporary..put in some hard work now and you are likely to reap the benefits. 
Hopefully one of the strategies you come up with will be to get a nanny. If you pick a loving one,believe me, it is a lifesaver and worth every penny.. Good luck[/quote]

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