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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Sounds like a friend of mine.  He is late 30s and dating but is starting to run into the situation where available women are divorced with kids.  Absolutely no interest with raising another man's children but is finding that the pool of available women in their late 30s without children is thin.[/quote]

When I started dating again post-divorce (mid-30s) the pool of available women without children was definitely the minority.  It was even worse when I eliminated all the never-marrieds.  I wanted someone who had been married bit did not have kids (like me).  I believe you have to experience marriage first hand to understand what it means to be married; I do not believe you can really comprehend it vicariously through anybody else's marriage - no matter if they are your parents or your closest BFF who shares every minute detail with you.  Nobody knows what goes on in other people's marriages, don't presume to think you do.  Anyway: the pool was too limited (ie, I was being too picky) and I had to back off and reconsider that.  I wound up married to someone who'd never been married before and yes, there are times when this experience gap is glaring.  But, "it's all good".  Honestly, I can't believe how lucky I am to have found her.

I have a sibling who is only now (in her early 40s) starting to try to date seriously, and she's having some success - more than she ever would have had in her twenties - largely because the odds are so tilted in her favor vis-a-vis all the single moms.  Though, as the other woman said, it's not true that women have all that many choices.  Another sibling and I did some searching of match.com just to see how big the man pool is in our sister's area: it was terrible.  My odds were 2x as good as my sister's, even just selecting for no kids.

I think having kids is the same kind of experience: you cannot really understand it (and the priority parents place on their children over all/everyone else) until you yourself are a parent.  It's the whole thing about parents rattling on about how their kid is the most amazing person/kid in the world.  Frankly, I think it's evolutionary programming (or people would kill their children).  Following from this: I think the mother who responded to me above makes total sense to me: she wouldn't be interested in anyone who didn't see her 'family' (read: kids) the same way she does.

Anyway: I think it's a tough tough market for single mothers, and the best odds are finding a single father.[/quote]

I'm the mother/PP you referred to, and you sort of captured my point.  :)  My point was more to your qualifications of who is suitable to you for dating.  You rule out groups of women based on your past experience with one similarly situation woman (who is only similar in that she was divorced with a kid).  Of course it's your prerogative and we all do that -- but in the process, you limit yourself.  Not a big deal for you b/c you are happily remarried.  Considering how you described the dating pool as so small, I would simply encourage the OP to give dating a try and see what types of men she's attracted to.  And don't assume that all men think like this PP, or that all women think like me.  I have had a lot better luck than what he's describing.  Yes, it's taken a lot of dating and being open to meeting people.  But there are people to meet.  I'm a much better dater now than I ever was in my 20s.

A friend of mine was married, divorced, no kids.  He met a single mom who was, at the time, only separated.  She divorced officially, they continued dating, got engaged and then married.  Wife has a child from first marriage.  He's thrilled to have a child!  He's mid-40s and loves kids.  He was missing that and looks at the child as a huge positive addition in his life.  They are extremely happy, and it's nice to see.  There's always an exception to these rules.  He's nice, she's nice, the kid is nice.  They are good together.[/quote]

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