Reply to dating as a 40+ single mom

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Obviously, your best bet will be with guys who understand your situation - divorced guys with kids.  Maybe meeting them through kids' activities.[/quote]

I'm a man.  I have no children of my own.

I was married to someone who had a child from her previous marriage.  I would never, ever, again marry a woman who had children from a previous relationship who hadn't yet left the nest.[/quote]

So you do't want a long term relationship?[/quote]

I'm the PP you are responding to (no children man).

No, I do want to be a long-term relationship - in fact, I've re-married quite happily.  I like children too, and I'm planning to have children.

What I want is to have the same degree of priority on average as the rest of the family.  Most mothers I've met put their kids ahead of everything, including the children's fathers, never mind johnny-come-lately.  "For the children" is frequently used as leverage in the relationship power dynamic.   Divorced dads have children of their own and their lives are already organized around children.  The two people - both single parents - make for better matches.

It's possible that a single mother is a wonderful gem of a partner, just waiting to be uncovered by the intrepid dating explorer, but it's a lot more work to find out.

I'd never say never about anything - you can never be sure - but I have zero intentions of ever deliberately setting out to raise someone else's child.  At this point, all I can imagine is raising my SIL's kids or my sibling's children, in the event something happened to the parents.  If we are unable to have children of our own, I would prefer to remain childless than adopt.  I do not think I'm unusual among men, whatever joy people discover in adoption and whatever joy I might discover if I were to somehow wind up doing it in spite of my preferences.  I did not feel this way until I had married a single parent.

I think many single mothers are up against this - however limited the existing pool of desirable and available single/divorced men (dads or not), it's further limited by [b]a lack of desire to have step-kids.[/b]  This is not revolutionary or shocking - women tell each other all the time to be wary of being stepmother, and wary of the ex-wife and his "baggage".  It's a two-way street.  [/quote]

Sounds like a friend of mine.  He is late 30s and dating but is starting to run into the situation where available women are divorced with kids.  Absolutely no interest with raising another man's children but is finding that the pool of available women in their late 30s without children is thin.[/quote]

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