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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]So just don't be a douche and maybe you're going to get better, non-douchey responses. If you bait, people will take it.
I'll answer you from the most honest place I can, because I think your comments deserve a true response. I can only talk from my own experience. I don't know you, your wife, or anything else. In my opinion, men act like hormones don't really exist. Men act like the effect that hormones have on women is a joke and an excuse that women hang onto. Most women, if they are in love with their husbands, want to be intimate. But there are biological factors at play that result from either having children or aging or both that men simply don't experience. It's grossly unfair of men to expect women to navigate all of the changes that their bodies are going through and have to satisfy their husbands when sometimes, these hormones make you feel like the most undesirable, unsexy, unfeeling human being on the planet. Hear me PP - it doesn't matter what you tell her. There are times her body is telling her something completely different. For me, there are days I feel trapped inside my body, which is changing from day to day it seems as I move into pre-menopause. It's a scary time. After having kids, I felt the same way, like my body didn't belong to me anymore. It's hormones, and they're real. After having kids, I loved that my body created these amazing human beings, but I hated my body for betraying me when I wanted to be intimate with my husband. It failed me. Time and time again. [b]So I'm supposed to take all of these feelings and reality of my body morphing into who knows what on any given day, and just suck it up and give a blow job? I really don't think so[/b].[/quote]

Ok- the douchy bj comment was in response to a PP who said she couldn't have sex when not in the mood because it hurt.  That is a cop-out and very narrow minded to me.  It doesn't have to be sex.  It doesn't have to be a bj.  It could be kissing, dirty talk, and an hj while helping him.  My point was that there are LOTS of things women can do to help men while being intimate without having dry, painful intercourse.

Again, I'm not talking about sucking it up every day.  But once in a while?  So you're basically saying that your desire is the deciding factor about when you're intimate with your husband.  I don't think that is fair.  I understand that hormones have a huge impact on how you feel- that is the same for men and women.  You seem to be missing the key that MEN have similar, albeit different, physical changes and needs.  So your hormones make you feel unsexy.  But your HUSBAND still finds you sexy and attactive and wants to be intimate with you.  You're saying that your hormones trump your husband.  And I think that is bullshit and the reason why so many men are "whiny douchebags".  If wives put their needs, along with everyone else, before your husbands' [b]every day[/b], what is the response supposed to be?  The same would be said for a DH who doesn't like to go down on his wife- you really should do it if it makes her happy.

Here's a newsflash- many men don't enjoy all the romance, cuddling, and non-sexual attention that women enjoy.  Personally, I do but many men do not.  But women expect men to put forth the effort to do something they don't enjoy because it makes them happy.  I guess I don't see how giving a bj when you're not in the mood [b]occasionally[/b] is really any different.  Do something you don't necessarily enjoy because it makes your spouse happy.

To the other PP- I have not made sex a chore.  That's my wife and it echos many of the sentiments on this board.  Women seem to resent their husbands for "wanting something from them" instead of thinking of it as doing something together.

I don't expect life to be full of romance, unicorns, and rainbows.  We all get busy and life takes its toll.  But sometimes it would be nice to just have a screw for the sake of having a screw.  [/quote]

I think we are actually more on the same page than you realize. I am certainly not suggesting "never" or "always" or "every day" or anything like that in this realm. I get your point of view, and I think it's similar to my husband's. (With the exception of oral sex in any capacity, either giving or receiving, which sucks for me but I deal with it. It was a huge issue for me to be honest.) After a lot of crazy up and down and all over the place with having kids, etc. I realized that my husband endured a lot of "not tonight" from me. Yes, in those instances, my hormones trumped my husband's. I now shoulder any initiating and am getting my fair share of "not tonights" as he deals with stress from job and finishing a masters degree. In those instances, his are trumping mine. It's fine. We're in this for the long haul, not just for the here and now. It's a long time to be together and we'll go through phases. I know that there will come a day when we're back in sync again, but we find ways of letting each other know that we still find each other attractive. I won't bore you with the details but I literally write them down for him. I will also suggest super quickies, just to connect. I also will "kidnap" him for the night, steal with the remote, and light some damn candles and give him a backrub and connect even more. And sometimes we zone out because we're both just so damn tired. All of it is fine. [/quote]

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