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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have a developmental question...........my child is entering first grade.  She has always know that she was adopted as a baby; we have told her story about the day she was born, etc. since birth.  It is a "fact" to her, but recently she asked to see a picture of her birthmother, which was totally fine.  We looked a pictures, told her mothers story, etc. and that was the end of the discussion.  Until she began expressing thoughts that she is not loved as much as her siblings, etc. My question is, how much can a six year old understand cognitively at this age???  What can the handle emotionally???  Anyone been down this road???  Have any good books to suggest??[/quote]

My opinion is that the 6 yo is understanding her adoption a bit more and having more questions and natural uncertainties. When she expresses thoughts that she is not loved equally, I take that to mean she is wondering if that is possible and all the "what if's" around that. My immediate reaction would be to reassure her that this is NOT possible - the pp's line "You complete our family" is a nice way to put it. I think a 6 yo wants to be loved, cherished, valued and needed just like everyone else.

These book suggestions are from a blogging mom of bio kids as well as kids adopted from Ethiopia. The blog is http://abushel-and-apeck.blogspot.com/ 
I like her blogs about attachment. She's currently taking one of her kids to a therapist who specializes in adoption and trauma issues and she blogs about what the therapist has been teaching them. It's cool. 
 
Here are her recommendations:

[b]Attaching in Adoption[/b] by Deborah Gray

[b]Nurturing Adoptions [/b]by Deborah Gray... Nurturing Adoptions is long and has a lot of information for professionals, so you have to read through it focusing on what is important to you. It is also very focused on attachment and trauma, so it may not be as useful to some families, but for those of us with children who are struggling, it is a great book.

[b]The Connected Child[/b] by Karyn Purvis -- here's a link to her lectures http://www.irvingbible.org/index.php?id=1662

[b]Toddler Adoption: The Weaver's Craft [/b]by Mary Hopkins-Best

I also highly recommend:

[b]Hold On To Your Kids[/b] by Gordon Neufeld and Gabor Mate
While it is not an adoption book, it is one of the best books I have ever read about raising children to be well attached to their families rather than their peers. It is a must read if your children are nearing adolescence!

Two other books on my desk are:

[b]Adopting the Hurt Child[/b]

[b]Parenting the Hurt Child[/b]

Both are by Keck and Kupecky. These were sent to me by a good friend who has walked the road of parenting a traumatized child. I originally began reading Adopting the Hurt Child and then noticed that Parenting the Hurt Child was published more recently, so I picked up that one instead. Since I've skipped around a lot and finally started reading it sequentially, I can't recommend it yet, but I have heard many good things about both books.

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