Reply to Adam Lanza, Aspergers and the press-here we go again

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Reply to "Adam Lanza, Aspergers and the press-here we go again"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Of course mass murder is not a "foreseeable outcome of lax parenting" but hopefully most people have the sense to get their child some help so that they can have a functional life rather than living in your parent's basement and playing video games all day long.[/quote]

Well, in the article I read, it suggested that they were trying to get him help, he was refusing treatment and obstructing that, and that the approach that you are so dismissive of---a little unfair to characterize it as "basement and video games" to imply neglect---is one helps certain children with similar issues in some cases.  ("Nancy’s mixture of hovering appeasement and disregard for professional help now seems bewildering. Yet similar choices have worked well for others: some people with autism respond best to a mixture of laissez-faire and active indulgence.")

I think it is unreasonable to conclude that the Lanzas weren't trying to help their child, as the evidence to me seems quite the contrary.  My guess is they would have made very different decisions if blessed with 20/20 hindsight like the rest of us.      [/quote]

Given a chance of course they'll try better given the epic misery it's caused.

I disagree however that they were trying to help.  His father hadn't seen his son in two yrs:  His explanation being that Adam did not respond to his emails...  so he has a kid whose primary deficit is in social interactions and that's the reason?!?   C'mon...  It's obvious the Dad was getting on with his life and leaving his SN kid with his mother to take care of.  He's an adult now, blah, blah, SNs or not.

Everything points to Nancy doing a DIY to "help" Adam rather than seeking professional help.  There was an interview with another mother at Sandy Hook who has a child with Autism in Adam Lanza's class.  According to her, while Nancy was open about Adam's diagnosis - she did not participate or seek any help for her son including not participating in any autism groups and Sandy Hook was known at the time for their inclusiveness.  There is no record of an IEP or 504 for Adam Lanza either in elementary or middle school.

Even if "some people with autism respond best to a mixture of laissez-faire and active indulgence", you'll have to be blind or in active denial to say this method is working for your child if you have a young adult living in your basement who'll only communicate with you through email.

[/quote]

I get it; you would have known better and done better, and are able to draw these sorts of inferences from a record that is ambiguous at best, with lots of key facts forever unknown because the two most important witnesses are dead.  [/quote]

And I get that you want to excuse the parents based on the same b/c they were trying the best they could....[/quote]

I'm not sure what you mean by "excuse."  I don't think the parents should be subject to civil or criminal liability, or should be subject to revenge by the victims.  I don't think they should be ostracized from society or otherwise punished for what happened.  That's true.  I also think that it is rational to reserve judgment given the uncertainties and the difficulty of their situation, and think that the very strong opinions being expressed about them here are without real justification.  [/quote]

Most people judge:  Parents get blamed.  Parents get blamed for most things that relates to their offspring like bad behavior so why would you expect the parents of mass murderers to be exempt?  In fact people judging the parents of murderers are so common there are movies and books about it.:

http://www.amazon.com/Defending-Jacob-Novel-William-Landay/dp/0345533666/ref=tmm_pap_title_0?ie=UTF8&qid=1394562096&sr=1-1

http://www.amazon.com/We-Need-Talk-About-Kevin/dp/B007C3TVNA/ref=pd_bxgy_b_text_y

It's your perogative if you want to reserve judgment as it is mine to judge.

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