Reply to WWYD - DH's Ex-Mistress Sent Him "I Miss You" Email

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Reply to "WWYD - DH's Ex-Mistress Sent Him "I Miss You" Email"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP Here:

Thanks everyone for your candor and kindness. I really needed the support and perspective. Even those who believe he's lying now and I'm a fool for staying. Thank you.

We've spent our entire savings on individual and couples therapy over the past two years. Through that, we've learned a lot about what led to the betrayal and how to work through our issues. Our relationship is better than it was in many ways. I feel his love and his commitment. I know he's working. We both are. In the 30 years we've known each other, we finally have the relationship I've always wanted, except for the crushing pain, that is. Some days I don't think of her at all anymore. But when I read her email, I felt myself returning to that horrible place of doubt and fear.

Intellectually, I believe that DH is being transparent with me now. If he were up to something, why wouldn't he delete the email? If he had other accounts, why did she use this old one? This account was left open for my benefit, at the recommendation of our therapist. I was feeling completely violated at the secrecy and needed to take back some control. My husband knew I checked it. Why wouldn't he be more careful?

Emotionally, I may never trust him completely. I've accepted this, and he has too. Every therapist we saw warned us that trust could take years to rebuild, and setbacks like this don't help. But maybe these setbacks are giving us another opportunity to examine where we are and aren't yet.

FWIW, he just changed his phone number and email addresses. He gave me the new passwords, but I'm not planning on checking them again. I can't live my life this way anymore.[/quote]

OP, don't beat yourself up if you do check. Do what you need to do to feel better.[/quote]

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