Reply to Red flag(?): no emotion regarding painful past

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Would this be a red flag to you:

Incredibly bad childhood (primary caregiver alcoholic, divorced 6 times):

Guy I'm dating says:

No connection to a single former step Fathers, no sadness
Found out about one divorce when the real estate agent showed up, no emotion
[b]Moved for a new parental marriage after getting into a prestigious school (TJ) and couldn't attend, no emotion[/b]Etc...

[b]Accepts everything as "yeah, and...?" Won't even admit or acknowledge that those are painful memories or experiences. Denies any emotion. Claims totally over it and has moved on. Red flag[/b]?[/quote]

I'm a counselor (not going to be more specific than that) and yes, BIG YES, it raises big red flags.  Honestly I feel for the guy.

Many have responded and said they had bad things happen, they're not overly emotional about it, they've moved on, etc.  That is great, that is what you're supposed to do.  But to "deny any emotion", to say they had no emotions when they got into a good school and then couldn't attend (and I assume they wanted to)... I certainly would not and can not diagnose over the internet based on this little detail, but it's pretty clear on the surface that it sounds like a tremendous amount of suppressed emotion has got to be there.  People who are kind of blank or numb or say they feel nothing about it... I have yet to meet the person who is like that and doesn't have a tremendous amount of processing still to do.

What tdoes that mean for dating?  [Because I assume that's the context in which you're asking this]... You haven't said what your relationship to this guy is, how long youv'e known him, or what you want.  But if it's a new relationship and you're looking for a serious relationship, I wouldn't necessarily say "run for the hills", but I would ABSOLUTELY avoid falling headlong into love and commitment until you know him longer, and particularly (for me) see how he handles something he considers really difficult.  Who knows what it might be... also talk to him about his exes, see how much he'll tell you.  I am NOT saying that a guy who won't talk about his exes is no good (so relax, everyone who was about to jump on me!) but just answering for me, if he's got no emotion about painful traumatic experiences from his past, I would want to know if the women he dated previously were able to still be friendly with him after breakups. Some people like zero connections to exes in a new guy/gal, but if I already have concerns about other red flags, how the new guy talks about exes (or doesn't talk about them) and whether he's still in touch with any (I like it when they are in touch, as long as it doesn't sounds like a soap opera) well then that guy is not for me if he won't talk about them, or does talk and trashes them, or has zero contat with any exes.  That's just me but that plus his lack of emtion would be huge giant red flags and then I would run away.

So now that I"ve made a ton of assumptions, OP how long have you known him and what are you looking for from him?[/quote]

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