Reply to Family wants me to help them with baby #2, after tension. WWYD?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, I'm another person who thinks we must share the same relatives. At the least, the same kind of relatives.

Even though I think other posters like 14:16 spell out smart and helpful responses, my advice (given how things played out with my family who's done the same thing) is to not engage at all. Don't make any preemptive attempts to set matters straight. Avoid engaging on this issue at all. Nicely make it clear you're busy and not available to babysit. If they're like my family, [b]they're going to try to draw you in with guilt trips[/b] (that's where they begin) to using your love of the children to coerce you to bullying you - don't, don't, don't engage.[/quote]

My sister did this, guilt tripping like I must not care about my niece because I didn't want to provide free on-call childcare all the time anymore. OP, your sibling will probably bring out the "larla/larlo needs his/her auntie! how could you not want to spend time with him/her?" guilt trips. Don't fall for it. Normal, non-manipulative people don't say stuff like that. [/quote]

I'm 14:16, totally agree with this.  But seriously OP, if they do, you have no idea how powerful it is to keep your answer simple and firm.  "I absolutely love my neices/nephews!  Can you name one other aunt who babysat for free 4, sometimes 5 days/week for __________  (months/years) for their neice/nephew?  Right, neither can I.  I definitely love them, can't wait to meet my new one!  But surely you can't expect me to basically do a full time job again?  Are you really saying that is what it takes to prove love?"  After that, it should all just be firm "No, I'm sorry, it is not fair for you to ask me to work for you again.  You need to get your own childcare and  you never should have assumed without talking to me that I would or could do it."  It's that simple.  Just keep saying it's an unfair and unreasonable request and you can't fulfill it.  And if you have something else going on (school, work expansion, travel) then site that.

I also like someone else's idea that a month or so after the due date you should schedule a trip for 2 weeks or something.  Do a road trip, and tell your sibling that you aren't sure how long you'll be away, and you plan to travel more than that in the next year so that's anothr reason it's unreasonable for them to expect you to drop everything and commit to them

Remember, no part time!!!  It'll just be a vortex into which they will try to guilt you into more.  And even part time is too much for an ungrateful relative to ask.[/quote]

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