Reply to In laws sent one of our two children a valentines gift

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I understand your agony, OP. I would tell your DH to speak with the grandparents and ask them to send a small toy to your son if they are going to send flowers to your daughter.

But I agree that sending roses to a preschooler is crazy! I'm sure she has no interest in them! Why don't they send toys to both kids?? [b]Sexism starts early.[/b][/quote]

Why can't OP tell her ILs directly?

[b]I hate that crap of having to go through the husband to get to the ILs.[/b] OP's a big girl.  If she's pissed, she should handle it.

Yes, indeed sexism starts early, eh?  How ironic . . . [/quote]

It's each spouse's responsibility to deal with his or her own parents. It doesn't mean OP isn't a big girl. It means husband has to be man enough to do his job and deal with his parents if they need dealing with. Not just in this case but any case. And if there's an issue with the wife's parents, she deals with it. All the posts on here from people with in-law troubles could be lessened if their spouses just dealt with their own parents.[/quote]

Is this some unwritten rule or something?  I disagree because I think it actually makes things worse to have spouses intervene when it is not really necessary.  IME, the in-laws then take on the added posture of "DIL (or SIL) is trying to turn my child against me!"  Besides that, if you want your PIL to respect you, you have to demand the respect.  Putting your spouse up to fight YOUR battle won't get it done - IL's KNOW whose battle it is.  If it is something your spouse is bothered by (and OP's situation WOULD bother my spouse) then, sure, he should address it with his parents.  But if is something that you are pissed about and it is not an issue for him, then putting him in the middle of a dispute betwween 2 adults is unfair to him.  Trust me, the IL's know what is what. I see doing it if you are newly married,  but by a couple years in, folks should be fighting their own battles.

Honestly, I have seen very few women who will go head up with their parents (especially their dad) on DH's behalf.  So I do think there is a double standard also. [/quote]

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