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[quote=Anonymous]OP here following up to end the story, esp for the poster who said it was helping her. I'll try to keep this brief.

H and I are divorcing. The actual conversation went insanely well and this is a very amicable split, but still painful. I'm also discovering it's a minefield of chances to get pissed at him. Trying my best to keep aware of this.

I told him I wanted to separate two Saturdays ago. He said sure. We only needed a week of this to realize we weren't getting back together. I totally disagree with the decisions he's made (or not made) during the split and it made me realize how fundamentally incompatible we are. He's staying in a friend's apartment and not rushing to find his own place, said he's fine with me just putting together the separation agreement...he's just lackadaisical about the whole thing.

On one hand, it's great. I am good at planning and executing and getting stuff done. On the other hand, it's really sad. On the Saturday following our split he came over for time with DD and asked if we were getting back together. I didn't want to have convo in front of her but he persisted so I said I couldn't imagine it working. He said fine, but that he also would have agreed to stay together if that's what I had decided. This right here is a major reason for the split - I am exhausted after carrying 100% of decision making power in relationship, regardless of how amicable we are.

H said he's confident we're such good friends and so dedicated to DD that we'll be great co-parents. I believe this too. It's sad that we were so completely on the same page about major things but that our communication had broken down to the point where neither of us knew we were in agreement.

Anyway, forging ahead. We told our families, both got tearful declarations of love from both sides, and I am dedicated to making this work. I am realizing this means taking a breath before reacting when I'm pissed at him, but also communicating when I feel he's shirking responsibility. We're staying in counseling because a healthy post-marriage relationship is important for DD.

Thanks for reading and thanks for advice. Good luck to people in similar situations. My advice is to do your best to communicate (kindly!) and not try to figure everything out on your own. Remember that there are two people in relationship. [/quote]

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