Reply to Help Me with Being One and Done

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]PP I know your post was made with only good intentions but there is a world of difference between not being able to have more than one and not being able to have more than 2.  Please be sensitive to that difference. [/quote]

Like why??? Why is having just one and wanting more "a world of difference"  from having 2 and wanting more, that we have to be super sensitive about and sympathize? If PP always dreamt of 4 and could not have more than 2, she deserves the same empathy as a mom who wants 2 and can have only 1.

There is really really nothing wrong with having one child that it needs to be treated as a special case and a general tragedy.[/quote]

I'm with the other poster - posting about having 2 and wanting 3 is insensitive in a thread about coming to piece with having one.  [b]Only children will never have siblings[/b]... once you have 2 or more, there's a sibling and a [b]lot of the pressure/issues some people have about one and done is off[/b].

It's fine that you don't see a difference, but there IS a difference to those of us with only one, so yes, in this case, try to be a bit more sensitive and understand that just as to those with none it is often stressful to hear people with one stressing out over it, it's similar with one when you wanted more than one.  [b]Once you hit 2 or more, yes for some it's still hard, but it's different[/b].[/quote]

I am the PP who sees no difference, atleast now and believe me, as a only myself who did not want a only, but only have one now and have gotten over the so called stigma around this, I strongly feel there is still no difference. I understand OP is seeking answers, and appreciate the comforting words, but what you have just mentioned implies that 2 is the standard if you chose to have children. We really need to overcome the idea that siblings are essential at any cost, that the one child that we have is making our family somehow deficient and 2 is the magical must have number to hit and anything above that is a nice to have. 
This is reducing family size and preferences and situations to be controlled by a formula and swayed by a trend. [/quote]

I feel like the difference between having one and two relative to the topic of this post is that if you only have one, there is this external expectation, and even pressure, to have more than one because "you have to give your child a sibling."  If you have two, people don't necessarily think you should have more or should want to have more or are denying your kids something important by not having more.  So you may be internally upset that you can't have a larger family, but you aren't having that regret reinforced by the people around you.  Whereas if you only have one, by choice or circumstances, people around you are constantly going to be reinforcing the idea that you are doing something selfish and wrong, and your child will be terribly lonely or spoiled or something (even though that's not borne out by the data), and your family must be incomplete.  [/quote]

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