Reply to Resources, family therapist, school for anxious, gifted, possibly suicidal ADD boy: HELP!

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, please post an update when you can and let us know how the zoloft is working out.

I do think a 504 would be in order and additional supports. Having a teacher say things like 'He's bright but needs to take responsibility" is not really helpful. I totally agree with the PP who said an educational plan is paramount. So much self esteem gets wrapped up in school and feeling like you can't perform or make friends is horrible for kids this age--it is why kids this age do commit suicide. WHile your son may be a bit of a drama queen, you must take the suicidal ideation as a very real expression of serious distress (which it sounds like you do, of course--sounds like you are doing everything you can).

I would also  have a conversation with your son about learning differences and brain differences: acknowledge that every one's brain works differently. It is harder for him to focus and easier for him to feel anxious and sad. This is genetic, hereditary and not his fault. It is also treatable, to a certain extent, but he needs to be a willing partner on it. if you think he's be up to it, have him report on thoughts/feelings/stuck places. If not, work with him (and a family therapist?) to create a schedule, work on motivations (like minecraft). If you could get a homework tutor even a few days a week, it might help him stay on track, is that a possibility? Iwould also see if said tutor can get him to take the ritalin if necessary (why does your son refuse it? does he not like the idea of it, or the feeling it produces?).

about 'outdoor' time--what about a class that involves physical activity? we tried many things before finding martial arts to be effective and pleasurable.

encopresis: is he taking fiber supplements? We found mixing them in a smoothie to help. Hard when your kid eats only crackers, but we came up with a 'must include' diet and then let him have a lot of 'not so good for you' things as well, as long as the healthy, fiber and protein based things were consumed.(yes, sugar but after broccoli).

finally, where is your spouse on this? Do you have support? you two need to be unified in your plan.

hugs to you. its a hard, anxious road. I wish you the best and some serious improvement for your son. [/quote]

I agree with what this PP said, especially the approach about "everyone's brain works differently".  We try to emphasize to our ADD/LD child that school is designed for a certain kind of brain.  Kids who have a brain close enough to this, will generally do well in school without having to try super-hard.  Doing well in school doesn't equate with being smart, necessarily.  Just take a look at the wall in the waiting room of the Lab School, which is covered with pictures of Lab School honorees who had learning challenges growing up and became successful adults who made unique contributions to society.  Einstein and Thomas Edison's teachers thought they were stupid when they were kids!  The brain is infinite in its variation and much of how it works is still mysterious to us -- just read the new articles coming out every day on new brain research!  Even when kids have trouble keeping up in one area, they often have strengths in another.  Our LD/ADD child is very observant, a quick deducer of conclusions, and can remember and reproduce music better than other kids his age.  We try to point out these strengths as much or more often than we (have to) point out the weaknesses to be remediated.  Our DC knows that for every fact an concept, there are multiple ways to remember/learn/understand.  School generally only teaches one of these ways.  Atypical kids have to learn how to identify their best ways of learning in order to get around a not very flexible school system.  Self-advocacy takes time (and successes) to learn and self-deploy, but it is critical to future success and independence.

In this way, there is nothing to fear in a "special school."  Our DC is in the top 1% in terms of IQ, was beginning to exhibit the same anxiety and distress you describe (negative self-talk, sadness, anxiety in school, avoidance behaviors, etc.).  When we finally pulled him from public school and put him in private school it was an immense relief to him.  All that anxiety and school hatred disappeared.  He even recognizes that the new school thinks that he is more capable than the old school, but they just teach and ask him to demonstrate his mastery differently.

As PP said, a tutor might be helpful until you get the school on the program (IEP or 504).  But, I encourage you to think about what kind of tutor --substantive and/or organizational.  There are both kinds.

Also the teacher who said, "'He's bright but needs to take responsibility," is exhibiting classic disability stigma.  This is the experience of many parents of kids, particularly those kids who are bright.  It is part of a long history of stigma against brain differences -- both learning differences and mental illness -- where society has stigmatized these differences as "behavioral choices" or "character weaknesses."  If I had a dollar for every time a teacher has thought or said something along these lines about a kid with a disability or diagnosis, I'd be richer than Oprah.  It troubles me that you have mentioned that a teacher said this, and that a teacher shrugged and said everyone has ADD at a meeting.  Both of these together are signs that the overall environment at your school tolerates this stigma/discrimination.  It is something that I would consider documenting via letter to the school principal and the 504 coordinator for your county. [/quote]

PP - what school does your son now go to?   DA ia struggling in public school so am looking for options.  Thank you.[/quote]

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