Reply to How to Co-Parent with Ex

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "How to Co-Parent with Ex"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous]OP, you are clearly really upset. I am CERTAIN that your daughter picks up on that. Children take so many of their cues about how to react to stress from their parents - both of them. From him, she is learning that it's okay to lie and to ask others to lie. From you, she is learning that it's okay to react in whatever way you want as long as you apologize for it later. Neither of those things are okay.

You are both at fault here, and no one on this site is likely going to say "Oh you poor thing, your horrible ex is a horrible person who is wrong all the time!" No one ever says that here. I can count on one hand the number of affirming, unanimous threads I've read on this site.

I am divorced with a four year old. Last year, my ex introduced his then-girlfriend to our daughter over the holidays. He asked me if it was okay in advance and I said it was, because it is not my right to tell him who he can and can't introduce to our daughter and when and it is also not his responsibility to live his life by how I will feel about things. I lost the right to demand that he put my emotional needs as top priority when I left him. When DD mentioned her time with her dad and his girlfriend, I listened to her and did not make a big deal about it. Your reaction was over the top. You know that. Move on from it.

As for how to coparent with someone you have so many differences of opinion with, the only way it gets easier for you is if you make it easier on yourself. He will not make it any easier for you. Some of the things you've mentioned sound very positive. Making a clear schedule for her (that she can see herself) is a great idea. It will be nice for her to be able to predict when she will see her dad, etc. I would strongly encourage that it not just be a custody calendar but a calendar where she can see her activities as well. Please try to transform the move into an exciting time, rather than a scary/sad one. Can you do something festive to her new room? Could you and her have a housewarming party together? Maybe she would like to invite some friends of hers to have a tea party in her new house. Focus on your relationship with your daughter. If she wants to talk about her dad, be supportive and validating of her emotional reactions to things and her preferences without inserting your own. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics