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[quote=Anonymous][quote]If the OP were a woman the responses would be drastically different.[/quote]

Agree.  Have you read the WOH wife/SAH husband threads?  Yes, the gender difference is startling -- women recommend taking away DH's cell phone and punishing him financially as a way to induce him to get a job, even where the husband does the housework and child care.  You know, because it's the man's role to provide!

OP, it is pretty normal for a woman's priorities to shift unexpectedly after a child, but it sounds like you are weighed down by the stress of (also unexpectedly) being an sole provider.  Can you share that with her in a way that doesn't make her feel defensive?  I am the sole provider in our family, and my husband is a SAHD.  I grew up spending long hours in daycare and am a big believer in having one parent at home.  But the financial responsibility is stressful, and we talk about the weight of that responsibility and my fear that I am failing as a provider on a pretty consistent basis.

I think that what you suggest about downsizing is a good idea.  But this has to be approached as a team, and you could probably benefit from some counseling.
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