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Reply to "Is it typical for MILs and DILs to not get along?"
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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]So, I'm a MIL. Ah, the MIL/DIL relationship. One of the great tragedies of humankind. I was like above PP who said she'd respect boundaries, not criticize, etc. Here's what I found: Boundaries keep moving, depending on DIL's needs and moods. Today's help is tomorrow's intrusion. Today's standing back is tomorrow's neglect. The most benign comments can be taken as criticism, provoking intense hurt and anger. Having been a DIL once I can understand - a new mother has a lot of learning and a lot of adjusting to do, and she knows it. If she's lucky she can experience her own mother as benevolent and helpful, but her self-criticism, doubts, and fears are very likely to be projected onto The Outsider, aka MIL. My own DIL has very difficult parents. DH and I have been very helpful to her and DS in dealing with situations caused by her family. But once the kids come along, all bets are off. New motherhood is a crisis, emotions are raw, and skin is thin. Everyone copes as best s/he can, often in ways that are hurtful to other family members. I often feel that DH and I are taking the sh*t for her parents' sins - we are certainly safer targets. A hearty second to the earlier PP who rejoiced in having girls. I wish I had. [/quote] 16:59 here again. I can appreciate your perspective. I notice you relate to "new motherhood" or a new DIL. I've known my DH since high school. We were high school sweethearts. Went to college, married 10 years later. MIL had plenty of time to get to know me, bond, and ironically did- until baby #1 came along. And as you said, all bets were off. It's unfortunate that she was not supportive, distant and criticizing of my other, (now EX- SIL) at the time I had my first baby in the NICU for months... I knew I would be next in line. ALL I heard was how awful and unfit my SIL was for a mother. Disturbing when you, yourself are about to become one. And I was correct, unfortunately. Anyway, many years later after 3 kids, I realize I am not her target. Just her favorite one. You can see the look on other people's faces of sheer annoyance, embarrassment, ect when she comments about some things. It's just the way she is personality-wise. I only wish I had an understanding and compassionate MIL. I tried very hard to be right in her eyes, but no more. Hope it all works out. [/quote]
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