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Reply to "Is it typical for MILs and DILs to not get along?"
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[quote=Anonymous]So, I'm a MIL. Ah, the MIL/DIL relationship. One of the great tragedies of humankind. I was like above PP who said she'd respect boundaries, not criticize, etc. Here's what I found: Boundaries keep moving, depending on DIL's needs and moods. Today's help is tomorrow's intrusion. Today's standing back is tomorrow's neglect. The most benign comments can be taken as criticism, provoking intense hurt and anger. Having been a DIL once I can understand - a new mother has a lot of learning and a lot of adjusting to do, and she knows it. If she's lucky she can experience her own mother as benevolent and helpful, but her self-criticism, doubts, and fears are very likely to be projected onto The Outsider, aka MIL. My own DIL has very difficult parents. DH and I have been very helpful to her and DS in dealing with situations caused by her family. But once the kids come along, all bets are off. New motherhood is a crisis, emotions are raw, and skin is thin. Everyone copes as best s/he can, often in ways that are hurtful to other family members. I often feel that DH and I are taking the sh*t for her parents' sins - we are certainly safer targets. A hearty second to the earlier PP who rejoiced in having girls. I wish I had. [/quote]
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