Reply to WTF Is Wrong with My In-Laws?

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[quote=Anonymous]Do they try to control husband, control you, tell you how to raise your kids, interfere, act toxic? No? Then it's time to realize that your problem's pretty simple: HIS parents are not YOUR parents and that does not inherently make them bad, wrong and horrid; it makes them...less likely to mark every life event with calls, cards, gifts etc. than your own family.

I would wager that your family has always made a big deal of birthdays, cards on other occasions, generally staying in touch as you grew up-- so that is your expectation now. And that's fine; it' great to be thoughtful in that particular way; but it does not mean that other families who operated differently were wrong or cold or unloving. It does not mean in this case that they are intentionally dissing you and your child, who is too young to know or care.

Please don't let your past experience, your family's way of doing things, become a burden to you--which it will be, if its wonderfulness means that no one else can ever, ever measure up, and everyone else falls short. Should we have positive expectations of others? Yes. Should we let it depress and upset us every single time they don't live up to our expectations? No. Life's too short.

If you are going to get this profoundly "sad, angry and resentful" EVERY time the in-laws do not meet your expectations, you are in for a lifetime of being worked up and upset, but that upset will come from inside yourself. Is that really worth the energy you will expend on it? Is it worth souring your memories of your kid's first birthday because what you'll remember is that "they didn't do what MY family would have done" rather than remembering your kid's day?

If your child is healthy and developing well, and your marriage is good, why are you caring this much about what did NOT happen to meet your expectations today?

Let it go. If you can't learn to do that  and to find other things to like and praise in your in-laws (after all, you say yourself that they're not that bad), then you will constantly be disappointed because they will never live up to your expectations. Amend your expectations and let go of the rest. [/quote]

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