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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I am a SAHM and we are very middle income (H makes $120,000). We live close to my family, and as a result H wants to see his family 4x a year. As a family of 4 this gets very expensive (flights are about $1200 all together each trip, and we stay for free with his family). As I SAH I am ok with all the travel but we have finally assembled a budget and unlimited travel is not within our means (more like $1000 per year). He will not have a conversation with me about missing one of the 4 trips with his family because he thinks I am disregarding his emotional attachment to them (he misses them) etc. This seems like maybe a cut and dry case of you can't always get what you want, but his insistence to spend the money we don't have on his family trips to make things fair (between family time) feels immature. I would like to hear others' thoughts on this. Thank you![/quote]

As others have noted, you have the money, it's just a matter of priorities. Of course unlimited travel is not possible, but you have come to the conclusion that $1000 is within your means--obviously, he feels otherwise. The two of you need to agree on a budget. If he wants to allocate that much money to travel, where can he sacrifice?

There are other possible ways of providing that closeness with his family. Can you drive there? (We drive 12 hours each way to visit family.) Can some family members come to visit you? Can you make 3 trips per year but make them a little longer?

One thing you don't mention is the quality of those visits once you're there. If these are positive interactions for your family, I'm more inclined to encourage them. Parents and grandparents are not around forever.

As to what's normal, it's again a matter of priorities. We usually travel 1-2x per year to each of our families, and then get 1-3 visits from each set of parents. Recently, we've been traveling more like 4x a year to one of our families--because of dying and elderly relatives, special family occasions, etc. At times, just one of us has gone, when appropriate.

Whatever you do, I'd encourage you to think positively about your husband's emotional connection to his family. (Especially since you've not said anything negative about the trips other than expense.) So many people check out of relationships and disconnect from loved ones. I think it's great that he wants to keep those ties.[/quote]

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