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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. Thanks everyone for your understanding. He has left me alone to care for the child a long time ago (or so it feels). Even when he is around, he sleeps until noon, then it's time for the kid's nap, then he just HAS to do something else. He does spend time with our son but this is so sporadic and somehow he managed to make me feel shy about asking. 
Anyway, all the latest events plus counseling have persuaded me that I am definitely divorcing him. I need to get some things straight but then I am filing for divorce. 
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Perhaps that's for the best, as it doesn't sound like you respect him, which is a problem more fatal for a marriage than a lack of love.  I'm sorry, OP.  I'm sure this was a long time coming.  I'll just add, though, what I was going to write before I read your last post.

I wanted to write that you don't seem to respect your differences and have turned them into a "right way" and "wrong way" of doing things when really they're just personal preferences.  I think the things that bug us the most about our partners or the things our partners do that clash the most with our own style are often the same qualities that attracted us in the first place.  Part of romance and falling in love is the excitement of newness, of getting knocked out of our regular existence.  It's exhilarating and we welcome the way it pushes us into unfamiliar ways of being.  Over time, though, we need the ease and comfort of doing things our familiar, natural way, and we resist and resent the very differences that once excited us.

For marriage to last, both partners need to respect different styles and different needs as just that-- different.  Not wrong.  Not right.  Just different.  Then find compromises.  Sometimes you agree to do it his way, sometimes he agrees to do it your way, and sometimes you meet in the middle.  It's easier to do this if you remind yourself of how these qualities attracted you in the first place and how they made you feel.  If, when it's his turn to have his way, you greet his plans with generosity and enthusiasm (even if you don't feel like it), you may find that the experience is just what you need.

I'm probably a bit like you, OP.  I'm kind of a homebody.  I like things to be planned, organized, tidy, quiet. I love to curl up at home with a good book, do a project on the house, or work in the garden.  DH lives more in the moment, always wants to be going somewhere, doing something.  He's boisterous and messy.  Drives me nuts when he fills every weekend with fun adventures (and to be fair, usually with the kids) when I really just want him to mow the lawn while I pull weeds and the kids run around the yard.  I have to remind myself that this is a big part of what I fell in love with, though.  When we met, I was struggling through the drudgery of grad school and feeling like a hostage to my studies.  DH was a recent cancer survivor and embracing every moment of life for all it was worth.  It was just what I needed at the time and although now, many years later, I often balk at his plans and wish he wanted more of what I want, in fact I find that many times his idea was good for me, too.  I might too easily get stuck in my own rut without him prodding me out of it periodically.

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