Reply to Not sure I can handle another three years of husband's career

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][
See, here is the thing.  OP does not represent the USG.  Her husband does.  She is just a spouse.[/quote]

Every American outside the US represents America.  People who travel to places they think of as "sh*&tholes" exude a kind of ugly American attitude that the world is better off without.  If OP really feels that way about the next assignment, then it's better for her to stay in the US and develop her own life and meet her husband for several times a year for a week or so at a time.

I don't know why someone would join the foreign service or marry a person in the foreign service and not expect to have to face the choice to travel to these assignments or endure family separations.  It's part of the job.  If your husband was a firefighter, would you complain that he has to sleep at the station when he was on duty?  People join the foreign service thinking it's some kind of roving cocktail party.  It's not.  It's a service branch.  And the US taxpayer doesn't owe you a cushy posting in Paris.  [/quote]

Easy to say, but still hard. Spouses need support. Many spouses (like me) married before the overseas posts came along. The US government provides little to no support for overseas spouses. It's hard and frequently you can't work. It's not an easy job and you give up your career to provide support to your spouse. [/quote]

Yes.  Life is Hard.  Families in the military face hardship too.  People who never leave the US face hardships.  I don't know what "married before the overseas posts came" means?  Was your DH in the FS before you married?  If so, then why did you marry if you didn't want this lifestyle?  If your DH didn't join the FS until after marriage, then you and he had ample opportunity to consider the lifestyle before joining.  Did you have a non-mobile career before your spouse entered the FS or your married?  Why did your family choose entry then, if your career was so important to you?  What did you choose to do when you realized your original career choice didn't really translate overseas but you still wanted to continue your relationship?  Did you develop any alternatives?

No one gets press-ganged into the FS.  I agree that it's hard on spouses.  I support anyone who wants to work to pressure the DoS to do better by spouses.  But, it's also on the spouses to figure out their own lives.  You do NOT have to give up a career to provide support to a spouse.  Many dual FS couples I know have great careers and chose postings alternately.  Or, one in/one out couples, the second couple has chosen a career that is mobile -- with the second of the pair being in UN or NGO work, or teaching, or writing/editing, or the arts, or whatever.  In some ways it's easier, because these hardship postings offer the opportunity to get a LOT of inexpensive support during the early child-raising years.  It becomes trickier when the kids are school age, particularly MS and HS, but careful planning helps as well as a willingness to separate (wife and husband in separate countries or kids at boarding school).  Some couples I know spend significant time away from each other, and that's not a disaster either.  [/quote]

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