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Reply to "How do you feel when friend buys McMansion?"
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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I've gone through step-ups in life. I would say my wife and I went through our 30's having accomplished a LOT MORE than what the average successful NoVA professional have. We started out in a small apartment in Fredericksburg, and now live in a $2.5M home in McLean. We've moved on average every 2-3 years, and aside from our home own a few other properties, including our prior homes that we've held on to but now rent out. We've lost a lot of people that we previously socialized with along the way. Some slowly fades while others stop much quicker. I would say that the same five stages of grief applies to jealousy: 1. Denial and Isolation - The person is overcome with emotional shock and disbelief that this is true, that someone they used to consider as financial equals are now revealed to be much more successful. 2. Anger - The person feels that this situation must be due to some injustice. The successful person must have cheated. How could the world be this unfair when similar people get dissimilar results. 3. Bargaining - Then the person believes "I can fix this!" What if I had invested when real estate was cheap. What if I went in when the stock market was low. What if I was able to take advantage of the precious metals volatility. The person may even jump on the internet to do some research, googling the phrase "how to be successful in life" or begin reading some motivational books. 4. Depression - As the reality of the situation settles in, the person realizes that there isn't some easy answer. The difference can only be equalized through hard work over time or access to scarce resources. The person has a sense of hopelessness that the past X years has been a waste while others were accelerating their careers and investments. 5. Acceptance - The person now simply accepts that their friend has done much better and moves on with their life. As with grief, not everyone reaches this stage of accepting their new reality. And even those that do reach this stage will have different end results. Some accept the situation and distance themselves from it, others embrace it as if nothing has happened. For my particular case, I have mentally noted when I've met new people that had preconceived notions of their success and then were shattered when I learned more about them. I do go through the above stages, but very quickly, perhaps within a matter of seconds. Goes something like this: 1. What? you own 150 acres that just got an offer of 50 million from a developer? Is this guy pulling my leg? He doesn't appear that successful - he's wearing what looks like a Men's Warehouse suit! This disbelief evaporates when I ask some follow-up questions to confirm that this guy isn't just making up some grand story. 2. I think to my self "this guy must of got this in an inheritance" or something like that. Dumb luck, that must be it. This lasts less than 10 seconds as I remind myself not to be stupid. I then ask "that's amazing, how did you have such foresight?" 3. Bargaining - I bypass this. If there are any momentary thoughts of "if only I could have done that!", it's followed by a similarly silly thought of "if only I could time travel" to remind myself to stay rational. 4. Depression - This is the most difficult to get over, especially if the other person's success is due to hard work. I'd like to consider that I work pretty hard myself, but here is this guy who has worked even harder. How could I have been so lazy?!?! I'm a failure! Then I quickly remind myself that I am actually doing fairly well. This feeling comes back every now and again, but I quickly dismiss it. 5. Acceptance - I know this is the stage I want to get to and get to quickly, hopefully within the same span of conversation and within a minute of learning the initial shocking news. Once I get to this stage, I try to get as much information as possible so that I can learn from this person's success. Learning from people like these has been very helpful to my own success. [/quote] +1000 We are going through this now![/quote]
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