Reply to IF husband has borderline personality disorder- a death sentence for the marriage?

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[quote=Anonymous]Thankfully, although I read this book, I did not buy it. [b]The author basically expects any "good" Non to forgo their own wants and needs to accommodate their BP, and does not consider what any reputable therapist or intelligent person recognizes as abusive behavior as being abusive. The only choice he presents is to live your life around their disorder, look the other way when you are abused, and call that a "calm" relationship. His techniques, at best, might alleviate some of the immediate "sting" from the constant abnormal encounters with a BP, but that's about it. You still end up in a totally one-sided, abnormal, abusive relationship- for as long as you stay in it.[/b] While I do have compassion for BPs, the fact that most of them can control their behavior in front of everyone except their closest "victims" tells me that they have enough awareness about their unacceptable behavior to know it is wrong. For any person to be made to feel it is their duty to sacrifice their own happiness and peace of mind for a person who does not even care about them is ridiculous. And why would any sane person want to settle for a chosen relationship that is so hurtful and destructive? Because the BP blames them for their own behavior and bad moods?  The only circumstance under which I can agree is when it is a dependent child who is the BP- and even then, I would insist on therapy for that child to help them get a handle on their illness as opposed to inflicting their pain onto others for as long as they live. Life is to short to willingly live in misery caused by any other person- disordered or not.[/quote]

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