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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Thanks all.  I'm clearly having trouble conveying myself, and the church thing is kind of a red herring although it was what crossed the line for me.  Basically there’s a longstanding pattern of kind of holding the family hostage with stubbornness.  Like if everyone but her prefers a certain restaurant, she will stay home rather than go to the one she doesn’t want to go to.  Or if she finishes eating early and others aren’t ready to go yet, she will go sit in the car.  Or she will bring her large dog to inappropriate places.  And then she is innocently oblivious that her actions cause others discomfort.

PPs are probably right that I need to start setting firmer boundaries, and just let the chips fall.  I really do like her, I just get so frustrated that she herself expects so much sensitivity, but does not extend others the same courtesy.
[/quote]

12:37 back again.  I think you need to stop letting SIL's crazy drama run the show.  If she is the lone holdout on the restaurant choice, you all say, "Sorry dear, we're going to the Golden Corral, we'd love you to join us, but if you can't make it there's a pizza in the freezer."  Then GO.  And eat.  And forget about her.  Or she leaves the place early - take your time, order dessert, tell stories - it's HER idea to go sit in the car.  Why should it bother YOU?

As far as the dog...I am a dog owner, I get it.  And she's WAY out of line.  If you guys are allergic or whatever, then you need to say to her, "SIL, I am sorry, I thought you understood that Ladasha is allergic to dogs.  Also this beach house is dog free.  So Rufus can't stay but there's a lovely kennel down the way.  Here's the number."  If she freaks and threatens to leave, just let her go.  It's HER drama.  [/quote]

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