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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Once a man cheats on a woman, the [u]dynamics[/u] change big time. It is completely unfair to expect a woman to just adapt to the new dynamics just because she has a child and should put her feelings aside and look out for the child's best interest.

When OP's husband cheated on her, he also cheated his child out on a loving and stable family.

Why can't anyone see this??!![/quote]

This.  If you started a thread about children that dealt with parent infidelity you would see there is still a lot of hurt years later and how it has impacted the relationships the kids have with the parents as well as in their own romantic relationships.  For myself, I would say 100% I would not stay in a marriage for the kids because I've lived thru the impact of parents that stayed together for the kids.

If you stay, you stay because you both are completely committed to the marriage and fixing what went wrong.  Personally, it would be hard for me to re-build trust.  I would want to separate and then both of us take time to consider if we really want to get back together.

Some of the questions I would think about~
Would I even consider getting back together if we didn't have kids?  
How would he have reacted if I had the affair, would he be willing to work it out or would it have been a whole nother ball game?  
Did he tell me or did I find out?  If he was either too scared or willing to take chances until he was caught, then it would be really hard to trust him.
What advice would he give his daughter if something similar happened to her?  
Was he having unprotected sex and could he have passed on an STD?
What would he do/have done if the other woman had gotten pregnant?  We all know birth control is not 100% effective ...and there have been surprise babies even when guys have a vasectomy.
If the affair was some part of a bigger communication issue I.e. he felt shut out so he did x, do I have to worry next time a big issue comes up he will do it again?  Part of choosing to get married for me meant that I believe we can work through issues together.  If either of us stops communicating and start turning to other people, then a foundation for me has shifted.  We could have lived together and not gotten married.  We could have been madly and love but realized long term this wasn't someone I could be married to because we argued all the time, didnt communicate about the big things, one person was too dominant, the other not standing up enough, we fought dirty (verbally hitting below the belt), we didnt value the same things etc.   There are lots or reasons why someone may not have been right for marriage so I would re-examine if my DH was really still right for me.  Did I change, did he change, were signs there all along that I ignored, was I trying to make something fit because I wanted the white picket fence etc and is there maybe someone else out there that might be better for me?

So bottom line is I would not say never, BUT, It would be like dating all over again that we would both have a decision to make and having children together wouldn't sway me either way.  He would need to be a father to our child whether we are together or not and we need to work out co-parenting whether we stay together or not. [/quote]

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