Reply to Today I forgave my husband for cheating on me...AMA

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]If you forgave him, don't bring it up again without reason.  Or it just tells him you didn't forgive him.

TBH, I would have divorced him, but anyway, if you want to stay together, don't hold it over his head.  Give him the chance to rebuild your trust.[/quote]

OP here, that ^ was me too. I don't bring it up at liberty - I'm not that kind of person. But you are right - rubbing it in someone's face just isn't very productive.[/quote]

Sleeping with someone else isn't productive either, but that's the kind of person your husband is. [/quote]

Why do you insist on being so rude about someone else's situation? You're not changing anyone else's mind. [/quote]

What is rude about the truth?[/quote]

Rude is posting one-liners attempting to make the OP and anyone else who disagrees with you feel like they're wrong.[/quote]

She is wrong, and maybe the next time he does it, she'll realize.[/quote]

NP.  There is no absolute right or wrong here, and you seem to be the only person in this thread who doesn't recognize that.  OP is a grown woman who has spent the last 11 months analyzing her life and hurting over this affair.  Do you really think she hasn't considered this situation from every angle?  She is making the decision she has determined to be the best one for her, her life and her family.  Working through this with her husband and maintaining her marriage is what's "right" for her.  And if she'd decided to divorce, it would be because she had determined that was "right" for her.  Amazing that you can sit in front of a computer and read snippets of a woman's life and decide you know with absolute certainty that "she is wrong" on such a nuanced issue.  Humans are fallible, and human relationships are complex.  Absolutes seldom apply.

My husband cheated on me (once) when we were engaged.  I didn't catch him; he confessed it to me in tears the following night. We went to a therapist together, and at our first session I told her I wasn't sure if I should break off our engagement.  She asked me how I would handle it if we were already married, and with that one question I knew immediately that I would try to work through it with him.  He agreed to every demand and met my every need in the time it took for me to get past his cheating, including my refusal to have sex with him again until *I* felt ready, whenever that might be.  And in return I pledged to not bring it up or hold it over him once I had gotten past the initial hurt and shock.  And, I decided I'd never discuss it with anyone beyond my husband, our therapist, and the therapist I saw on my own; telling friends or family would have only done more damage.  More than 10 years later, now, we are happily married, we have a perfect child together, and he has never cheated again.  I am 100% certain I made the right decision for my life.

OP, I am glad you feel you've turned a corner; it must be a relief just having decided for sure what you plan to do.  I wish you all the best.[/quote]

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