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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here, yes, I married a man with baggage.  At first, I saw only his great parenting qualities, and he has many.  The greatest was tha after his ex left him, she moved to a town 20 miles away.  While they were waiting for their marital home to sell (it took 3 years and was seriously underwater, he would come home from a commute in the opposite direction and then head straight over to his ex's new place to have dinner with his son before she came home from work, do homework, take him to practice, etc.  I haven't dated many divorced dads, but I've never known one who literally went so far out of his way to see his kid on non-custodial days.  He is a really caring, really devoted dad.  Just lacks a backbone when faces with his kid's rejection.

It wasn't until late high school when he had 50/50 custody that the ping-pong emotional manipulation became evident.  DH really did try to set firm expectations, but his ex did not and DSS would just go back to his mom's when DH would pull the tough love card.  They had never been officially adversarial in the divorce and it seemed too late to try to officially change the custody order (and I don't think a judge would go for "one parent spoils the kid more than the other" as a reason to make a 16 year old go where he doesn't want to go. So a dynamic was created.  And I guess I just kept thinking it was temporary...like, once DSS graduated high school, once we're married, once he goes off to college and gets more mature, etc etc etc...I hoped he'd change.  And I keep hoping my DH will finally stop kicking Lucy's football and just walk away from the game.  Not from his son, but from the game of playing one parent against the other.

Reading reactions here makes it all the more obvious that I'm a fool to count on either of them changing.  I don't think it was crazy of me to think a 16 year old would mature in 5 years, but he seems to have gotten worse.  (Perhaps because
I'm in the picture so his dad's attention has a whole new significance.) 
[/quote]

Hope is not a plan.[/quote]

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