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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The truth is, most developed countries in this world (as well as high-achieving and educated strata of developing countries) expect more of their kids and are less fearful of destroying their self-esteem than Americans.

I have experience with Japanese and Vietnamese families. Most of the ones I know, including my ILs, drill their children into academic perfection and the odd bad grade (an A- ?) shames the whole family. Most of the time, it works. My nephews and nieces, already at or headed for the top universities, have iron determination and great confidence. When it does not work, however, the poor kid suffers a great deal. I know of 2 cases.

Since I have SN as well as typical children, I think that you really have to gauge your children and have them reach for the most they can realistically strive for. It's not a one size fits all. They are all at least a grade ahead in math and reading, and excel in music. I had them drill mental math every day this summer to give them confidence to explore more wordy problems in class without wasting time calculating.

What they choose to do with their work ethic and their skills as adults, however, is up to them.[/quote]

As a Jew, I would like to say that I'm proud of our achievement as a people, but I know in my family and friends there is far too much anorexia and anxiety disorders.  Perfection sometimes wears very hard on people who are more fragile.

Hell, my cousin nearly killed herself with Anorexia, but she managed valedictorian of her elite private HS, full ride at Stanford, Double Major 4.0, and picked up an awesome job and is now working on her MBA from Georgetown. She is a mental mess, but outwardly the perfect jewish girl, doing all the right things. She just married a super overachieving Jewish boy. They are rolling in prosperity. If her fertility is not wrecked from being 90lbs of skin and bones so long maybe she will have genius Jewish kids.[/quote]

Something to think about - Anorexia is now being recognized as a form of OCD, often successfully treated with OCD meds concurrent with behavior therapy. The meds calm the OCD enough so that the brain can be re-trained.

Often times, eating disorder specialists are narrow-minded and look at meds as a threat to their career, stating that 'when the person goes off the meds, the ED will return". This is often NOT true, because the brain can be re-wired.  OCD runs in Jewish families. Please encourage your cousin to see a proper psychiatrist and look into OCD treatment. It will free her![/quote]

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