Reply to NYT: professional moms who opted out of work after kids are now opting back in

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Reply to "NYT: professional moms who opted out of work after kids are now opting back in"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It makes me so angry that these discussions (the article and here) completely overlook the root of the problem, which is that society doesn't value childrearing and caring for the home, and there aren't enough flexible and part-time jobs available in the professional world.

Just because a woman stays home does not mean she is no longer her husband's "intellectual equal."  Working at a computer from 9-5 somehow makes you intellectual, but cleaning, teaching, shopping, playing, and cooking from 9-5 makes you an idiot?  That's ridiculous.  SAHMs (and dads!) are not just sitting around.  They're doing an unbelievable amount of very important work.  This is literally the job of raising the next generation!  (Also, would you consider someone who works as a nanny or preschool teacher to be somehow unintellectual and worthless, or does the fact that they make money for this work somehow change the value of their activities??)

We need to work to teach each other the value of the work done at home.  This needs to come into the media, classrooms, and our everyday conversations.

And the workforce needs to change so that parents -- men and women -- can have sustainable careers and good family lives.  As the article points out, a "good" job is one that requires travel, 50+ hours a week, etc.  So, the only options a woman has then are to (1) work all the time and spend very little time/energy with her kids, (2) work in a mediocre, "second-rate" job for which she isn't valued any more than she would if staying at home, or (3) stay at home and be devalued by society.  The professional workforce needs to offer more part-time positions, more flexibility for consulting roles, and an understanding that employees who feel supported in their family life will also be good workers.

The conversation is, frankly, really selfish.  Where is the discussion about our kids?  Is it really best for our kids to be raised in daycare from the time they're a couple weeks old, rarely seeing either parent?  And we can't protect ourselves against every awful future possibility, so the idea of having to "protect yourself" from the possibility of future divorce by working today despite the fact that you have an excellent relationship is ridiculous.

I can't believe that all the other PPs are so anti-SAHM.[/quote]

I'm a FT WOHM and you make some good points, but the fact is it is just going to be more difficult for some women with big gaps in their resume to get back in the workforce (if you aren't rubbing elbows with loaded people who will gladly commit to investing in your new business over cocktails). You seem to be saying, what is best for our kids? But I disagree that it would be best for either our boys or our girls to be raised in a society where it is expected that a woman become a mom or have a career. Sorry, but that has implications that I don't think anyone wants. Grad schools and colleges and employers would be much less likely to invest in girls if the thinking is that they will probably just quit to raise kids. And you clearly have a bias. We've used both daycare and a nanny, and neither has raised our child, though they certainly have helped raise them and I'm very grateful for them.

And actually, you can protect yourself from bad circumstances by working. Economic security is pretty critical.

I do agree that the workforce needs to change for both men and women. I do not think a mom staying home while dad works 80 hour weeks and never deals with a sick kid, field trip, etc. is not ideal, and that happens a lot in this area. I think that unfortunately for many, technology instead of giving you more freedom has just meant you can work longer, and that's silly and counter-productive at some point. Honestly, we blame companies but a lot of it is individual. Some people are addicted to work and could do just as good a job in fewer hours. I see that a lot around here. But I do think overall our workforce is not that friendly for many two parent working families, and I think it would be better for everyone if it was. I know a lot of women who feel forced out of the workforce because it is 50 hours or nothing and their husbands have that too.
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