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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]We have a very complicated marriage/divorce/remarriage family dynamic with my parents/in-laws. To make the explanation as simple as possible, my father has a key to the family vacation home as he will help out if there are things that need to be fixed (but it isn't his home anymore), and recently decided that he wanted to retire nearby the family vacation home. We have been on vacation for three days, and EVERY SINGLE DAY, he randomly stops by the house and lets himself in "because he happened to be in town" (he lives about 20 miles away).  Our kids take a two-hour camp each day, and he knows this, and he comes by when they aren't here, so he really can't say that he's stopping by to see the kids.

Every single time, I have explained to him that I need those two hours to work, and that we value our privacy, and, more importantly, that he cannot stop by unannouced. He doesn't care!!!!  He told me that he is the father and he will stop by whenever he wants.  I can't change the lock, because there are literally about 20 people who use this house and it will throw everything into turmoil, and b/c he needs a key anyway for the times when he is helping out.

How do I set boundaries with someone who won't respect boundaries? [/quote]

In a way it sounds like the house is a manipulative tool used to remind everyone he is the patriarch of the family and will oversee the house and his brood as he sees fit. Based on what you're saying, he's not dropping by to see the grandchildren or to visit you during your down time for a cup of coffee (and before anyone jumps on my case about the OP needing to be grateful for her father's presence and honoring his need to see his daughter in his golden years, let's remind ourselves of how many women send kids to daycare or have the nanny take them away for the afternoon so we can better focus on our work. Remember, her kids are in camp which for most parents is a good way to get a breather. If we can divert focus from our children for our jobs surely we can divert focus from an elderly parent who can't respect boundaries).

OP, honestly, and I'd do the same in your shoes: get your own vacation home or, if you can't afford one or just don't want to go that route, get a timeshare and invite relatives if/when you can. He still feels like he owns this place and the fact that he says he's the father and can do what he wants emphasizes that. This sounds like one big PITA. [/quote]

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