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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP Here. I appreciate the responses, and I'm trying to look at this from the other side.

There is a long and tortured history here, but the reality is that I don't trust my dad with my kids.  I'm petrified of having my kids with him for any more than a lunch within walking distance of our house.  My dad's driving is terrible, he falls asleep easily, and he is always on the phone.  For example, he'll offer to take my kids to the park, but he'll spend the entire time on the phone not paying attention to them.  He likes the idea of grandkids, but not really being with him.

While I simply could find some workarounds and ways for him to be with his kids, the problem is that he doesn't get boundaries.  I've tried to talk with him about setting up times when the kids will be home, and he said that he "does not want to make an appointment."  He wants to do things on his terms.  (E.g., he wants to take kids horsebackriding; I've told him 100s of times that my DD is allergic).  I begged him to teach my DD to ride a bike, but he isn't interested in that.

All that being said, I really will try to be more compassionate, but I would love any words of wisdom for how to get him to respect boundaries.  I think it's fair to have time without him on my vacation.  [/quote]

I'm sorry you're dealing with this--I would be tearing my hair out.  But, that said, you can't make him respect boundaries. You can't change him. He'll continue to keep doing what he's doing. The only thing you can do is change how YOU respond, whether that's with a deadbolt, not being there when he usually comes over (can you go to a coffee place and work? to a park and take conference calls?), etc.  Yes, it sucks that you have to be the one to manage these workarounds, but that's how it is for people in relationships with narcissists.[/quote]

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