Reply to VENT ALERT: Is anyone THIS different from their in-laws.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]BTW... in a weird attempt to self improve, would any of you mind pointing out what sounded "superior" on my part?  I'd like to think of us as being different, but if I'm coming off as superior here, maybe I'm coming off that way in person.  I don't want to offend her in any way.  [/quote]

FYI, just in case OP is still reading and still not sure how she comes off sounding superior and judgy, here is a breakdown of her OP:

[b]OP:  I feel as if I'm being judged by her because I'm not as "free spirited" as she is. I know I should not really care, but I do. Here are some of our "lifestyle" differences.[/b]

You put "free spirited" in quotes which for many people suggests that you feel that it is a negative description.  In Internet-speak, putting something in quotes like that is like changing your tone of voice and rolling your eyes when saying it.  Implies that you don't think "free spirited" is a very good way to parent.

[b]OP:  She puts her kids to bed after 11pm.
I put my kids to bed at 8:15[/b]

Sounds like you think that there is something wrong with letting children stay up until 11pm.  But I know several SAHM's whose children have no set schedule during the day and can sleep in and go to bed late, get up late and are perfectly well-balanced children.  One friend did this and her soon-to-be 23-yo triplets turned out great.  I've known the family since before the trips were born, in fact one of the boys has helped babysit my twins and he's a wonderful young man.

[b]OP:  She gives her kids juice and soda.
Mine drink one juice/day and then water.[/b]

You know that the argument over juice, how much to give, and whether it is okay to give sugary juices and sodas is a very contentious one and you sound like you not only don't give your children sugary drinks, but you disapprove of parents who do.  If you don't want to come across as judgemental about a controversial topic, stay out of it.

[b]OP:  She rarely cooks.
I cook 4-5 times a week.[/b]

Why would it matter whether she cooks or not?  And why is that a lifestyle difference.  Why should that make a difference if you are friends or not?  Do you have NO friends who predominantly eat out?  If you think that this is a material difference between you and that it affects whether or not you can be friends, then you are quite judgemental about her decision not to cook as often as you do.

[b]IOP:  She has mounds of laundry waiting to be folded.
I fold and put away.[/b]

Okay, your description of [i]mounds of[/i] laundry and [i]waiting to be folded[/i] is critical and judgemental.  You clearly feel superior about this.

[b]OP:She gives her kids fast food regularly.
I do fast food as a last resort.[/b]

See above about cooking.  Again, your description of [i]fast food as a last resort[/i] is clearly judgemental that fast food is bad for the kids and that you wouldn't do it, but you feel that she is a worse parent because she does this.  If her kids are healthy and not overweight, it's really not your business or concern.

[b]OP: She goes out and comes home late (3-4am, MIL watches kids for her).
I do not go to bars or clubs (I'm 37... I just think I'm too old!)[/b]

And you clearly just feel that a party girl makes her a bad mother.  This oozes out of your statements.  Not only do you talk about the difference of when she comes home, but you had to stick in the jab that you do not go to bars or clubs.  You could have said that you were in bed by 9pm as the difference, but you had to throw the aside in that she does bars and clubs, but that's another judgement that you've made about her being a bad mother.

All in all, you are extremely critical of her choices and if it comes out so easily in your on-line posting, you can be assured that it comes out in virtually everything  you say to her.  It isn't surprising that she feels judged by you and doesn't like you.  Frankly, you don't come across, even here, as a likeable person.   You need to have a bit of serious reflection about yourself and find out how to make choices that work for you without feeling superior and condescending about those who don't make the same choices as you do.  Then you might be able to mend fences with your SIL. Then again, she may have written you off as hopelessly rude and may not give you a second chance.  Oh, and in case it is not clear, you definitely owe her a big apology for being so arrogant and condescending.[/quote]

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