Reply to Depression - Is it a cop out?

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Reply to "Depression - Is it a cop out?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]So someone has mental illness, does nothing about it, doesn't pull her/his weight around the house, and it's somehow the spouse's fault for not being understanding enough?

[b]Are the PPs saying this sort of thing really saying someone married to or the parent/child of someone with mental illness has taken on a 100% lifetime commitment that he/she must never abandon, no matter what the sufferer of mental illness does/does not do?[/b] [/quote]

You are totally projecting because no one has said this.  [/quote]

So why are people calling OP an asshole? [b]He is basically saying those with mental illness are responsible for (1) ensuring they get better and (2) ensuring their mental illness is as small a burden as possible on their loved ones. [/b]Without both pillars -- the will of the MI sufferer and the ability of the MI sufferer's loved ones to support/understand/guide the MI sufferer -- the entire edifice comes crashing down.

Most people, when they come here, have tried for months, if not years, to work with their partner/parent/child. Yet a large section of people offer nothing but reproach and judgment of their own, insisting that the OP just needs to try something different, or shouldn't complain at all. [/quote]

A small handful have used names.  The large majority has tried to encourage OP to think about the impact of statements like yours in the bolded above.  Yes, people are "responsible" for themselves but major depression can be utterly debilitating to someone's ability to do those things.  So by all means, if a loved one's depression is negatively impacting your life and you've done everything you can do, a reasonable person would understand your desire to pull away from that.  But saying depression is a "cop out" is more than protecting yourself - it implies a belief that the person with depression is either lying about their condition or willfully inflicting harm when they are not.  People who have successfully battled mental illness and are now thinking straight are often amazed by the things that people tell them they have done in the past.  They were utterly incapable of thinking straight or of understanding the impact of their actions.  All I'm saying is, don't lose your sympathy or try to stigmatize the very real problem of mental illness by calling it a lie.  It does nothing to help encourage people who really need help to go get it.  [/quote]

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